Holly and the List

So yesterday, as I sat in my room looking at the wall while my friends were snuggled up with their beaus or studying or whatever, I made a decision that I was tired of being lonely. It's not my scene. Now I am always talking about finding a man, but I never do anything about it. Yesterday, while looking into the eyes of my Alicia Keys poster, I decided to be proactive. She did snag Swiss Beats after all.
First, a little background. Sorta Beau has not called me in about a week, and I don't think you have to be Madame Cleo to know what that means; you've been jilted. Dumped. Trashed. Tossed. I'm not sure if I am sad because I miss him or because I did not jilt him first! So for about a week, I have been beside myself with loneliness. So I decided to go by my own self-created motto: When in Lonelyland do as the lonely do! And what do they do? They go on Craigslist Personals.
Yes, Craigslist Personals. The meet-up Mecca for lonely, pathetic, DESPERATE, tired, sad, sex-obsessed people who aren't horny enough for Adult Friend Finder or rich or mature enough for EHarmony, but demand all the comforts of Myspace out of their poor quality dating community.For the past couple of days while surfing for job offers that weren't scams on the Craig, I found myself sneaking over to the personals column. I had to have read them all. Women for men. Men for Women. Women for Women. Men for Men. And for the most part, they were all broken up into four parts: single people looking for sex, married people looking for outside sex, serious people looking for a relationship, and that select few who just posted posts making fun of those people who had resorted to using the service.
One ad got to me though. It made me cry. I felt this man's loneliness radiating off my computer screen. He posted about four pictures of his penis with his ad (which was impressive) and said that there was no other way to get women to answer his ad because he wasn't cute, but he had needs and wanted a friend. He had apparently been kicked off the site before for similar stunts. The day I resort to posting Julia (my jay-jay) online for love, I hope that one of you out there in cyberland would have the courtesy to kill me!
Now, I did have my reservations about this. The Craigslist Killer, hello! So I FB chatted with my girl Fran and she gave me the green light. I only need one co-signer for my outrageous impulses. My girl Dizzle was not so supportive. In short, she said I would be raped and murdered, and in short, I did not heed her advice because she has had beaus. No one lives with my solitude but me. Plus, you gotta take chances, right?
So I called Brownie to help me write it, and we came up with a short, three-line paragraph describing what I want: Black Man, no drugs, no babies. And low and behold, I got some responses! But that is for the next post. Don't want this one to be too long.