Epiphany!

So today, while I was watching Beyonce's Year of 4 on Youtube, I had an epiphany. It was about all the loves I have had that I can not recover from that did not love me back, from Kindergarten to P. It's like I can not shake them, and I don't feel like other women struggle with romantic rejection the way that I do. Watching B dance with those two African dudes it hit me: maybe these men not loving me hurts so bad because I don't love myself as much as I think I do or as much as I would like to. So when they can't love me, after I have had the prospect in my mind of how cool it would be for them to and fill that hole, I just feel empty all over again. Ladies and gents, I think I may be on my way to becoming a functional adult.

Sheen Magazine catches up with Musiq Soulchild

Here is my interview with Musiq Soulchild at the Bronner Brothers
Show! I'm only on the clip for a sec, but check out how AMAZING my
hair looks!

Self Soothing

So, I accidentally ate a family bag of Lays BBQ chips for breakfast, but I take solace in knowing that the bag was 60% air.

Bronner Brothers: The Good, The Cool, and The Crazy.

Another Bronner Brothers Hair Show has come and gone. As usual, there were some parts that were cool and some parts that were over the top, like the lady walking around with the bejeweled hair head piece, lol. I got to interview Musiq Soulchild and Tammy Roman. Derek J was there is a corset and heels and a troup of three gay dudes stopped and modeled every two feet. I had a good time, but I'm glad it's over. 

Flight of the Conchords Ep 10 'Ladies of the World'

How can you not like Flight of the Concords?? And how can you not
like this song? They are tooo funny!

Vday Recap

This Valentine's Day actually wasn't a complete nightmare. Lauren was my Valentine, so I sent her a card and a bow tie and she sent me this REALLY fly pair of earrings I am scared to wear. I don't want to lose them. I didn't go on a candy binge which is a good thing. I wasn't bitter, I sent out cards to my friends. It was a good day, surprisingly. Maybe I have outgrown having Vday stress...but I do want a beau next year, lol.

Today was the first day of The Bronner Brothers Hair Show. One of the stylists braided my hair and then undid the braids so "my hair would have texture," lol! I enjoyed getting in touch with my inner Set It Off, lol. Do I look like Queen Latifah in the before shot?

Pool Party

Yesterday, I went to the pool. Yes! It was amazing! I got to see all my elderly pool bunny buddies and I splished and splashed and attempted to swim and spun in circles and everything! It was amazing! I got home, invigorated and ready to work. Unfortunately, once I sat down, I found I was so sore I was paralyzed and couldn't move! It's okay, lol, because I am invigorated this morning. Today marks the beginning of going to look at apartments. I shall keep you posted!

Whitney Houston - I Wanna Dance With Somebody

I can't believe that Whitney is dead! She looks so young and pretty
and healthy in this video!

Self Repair

So, I was listening to one of those militant relationship people on TV, in theme with Vday being around the corner, and she said that before God can send you the person for you, you have to repair yourself to be ready to receive him. GOD! I hope that's not true! I am like the dating scene Humpty Dumpty. I have tons of pieces that need glue and stapling and a spit shine. If I started today, and began dedicating 40 hours a week to my emotional repair, making it a full time job, I would probably be fully repaired and ready to receive love by 65 years old. I know, I know, better late than never, but still. I won't be able to have kiddies. I won't want to have sex. But on the glass half-full end, it could be fun having a strapping older gentleman with me to pick out matching burial plots. It's cheaper to get two than one, and they will give me a fair estimate on a price because I will be with a man. They won't try to gimp me. I guess that it is true that there is bright side in the race to find love.

P and the New Beau

So P has a beau. And yes, he always has a beau. But this one he wants to marry. SIGH. I have spent the past few nights listening to him sound like Holly, talking about someone he likes that isn't attainable at the moment. I wish someone would have mercy on me and just kick me off the top of something high. Lauren asked me a good question: why do I even talk to him about this if I can't handle it? Why am I putting myself through this? Well, other than apparently liking being hurt, I figure I need to get all my convos in with him before he gets hitched and I never hear from him again. I mean, enough! How long does it take to FULLY get over someone? It has been 5 YEARS! I don't like him as much as I did in the beginning, true that, but there is still like residue there. What if it's always there? Ewww! I really don't want this to be on my mind when I am like 40.

The VDay Plan

Valentine's Day is coming up, and I am determined not to be a Vday Victim. I will not be depressed. I will not be sad. And I also will not be that single person out on the world's most important couple's day eating alone, pretending not to be effected. I am mailing out Vday cards to the homies, I am excited to buy all the candy I can on the 15th when it goes on sale, and I will probably change the date on my computer and phone to the day before so I think it is the 13th and not the 14th. I have found, after YEARS of inactive Vdays, that the best way to participate in the holiday is to pretend that it doesn't exist. Aside from sending out the cards. I just really like sending out cards. Is this scary and pathetic? Ab.So.Lute.Ly. But I have to cope! My deadline for work is next week, and I don't have time to be sad and depressed. Mind over matter.

M.I.A. - Bad Girls

I have been loving M.I.A since before the middle finger at the
Superbowl and before "Paper Planes" was on the Pineapple Express
Soundtrack. So take that!

Being goofy with the webcam.

Pac Div - Rollin (Official Video)

OK, it looks as if I am becoming obsessed with Pac Div. I will try to
make this my last Pac Div post...but I make no promises.

The Haunting of Andrew Pounders

I went to school with a young man named Andrew Pounders. He was younger than me by a of couple of years. He had a girl friend with really long Brandi braids, and he was from California. He had locks. And our whole time at XU together, I only had one conversation with him. Recently he died of cancer at 24, and for some reason, this effected me as if it was cousin or brother that died. I didn't even know this guy! But he got me to thinking about life in general. He was only a baby and was snatched from life just like that. And I am generally jaded about death. I have been fat my whole life, so everyone has been happily profitizing my death to me since I was in kindergarten. But since he died a few months ago, I have been thinking about death all the time. The cherry on top: today is his birthday. Like, why does this boy mean so much to me right now? Sounds like it's time for some self evaluation. I will let you know the results.

Yesterday I went out to dinner at Chili's with new friend Amberly. She volunteers with the same organization I do. Margaritas. Nacho chips. Good times.

So I am a geek. This we know. Like, every morning I wish a happy birthday to all of my Facebook friends that have a birthday, some of them I kind of really don't know. But I feel like birthday wishes are like compliments: you shouldn't give them if you don't mean them. Today I went on a girl's page to wish her a happy bday and the person before me had commented "hbd...". Um...that was the saddest slackass bday wish I'd ever seen! And as someone who usually has a basket full of birthday disappointments, I take bday slackassery seriously.

Holls and Connie: A Conversation in Texts

In the middle of the night, I had a menstrual sneak attack. Sigh. So I was already annoyed. Imagine my attitude when I rolled over and saw the first of several texts from Connie at like 2 am. Eye. Roll. Ladies and gentlemen, I call this Holls and Connie: A Conversation in Texts. Please excuse any misspellings or grammatical no-nos to us practically texting in our sleep!

Connie (2:14AM): Do me a favor don't the cut the heat to 80 degrees my bill is going up do you remember when you did not want me messing with the air conditioner im asking to please give the same respect mam and also don't sit in the dining chairs please they cost way to much even if you don't sit on the chairs like that I'd perfer you to only sit on that bench please and back to the heat if you are going to cut it on cut the heat to 70 degrees please thank you. Holly's note: sure, I asked her to keep the air off, but she still ran that damn fan 24/7 which ran up the electricity which is the bill I pay!

Holly (3:16AM): I haven't sat in your dining room chairs since like FOREVER, lol! Sure, I will leave your heat at 80, no prob. Also, can you turn off your hearter and lights while your gone and take your male guests with you when you leave for the day? It is startling to me when I think I am here alone and a man Ive never seen before leaves your room to pee. Luckily I figured you were just disregarding another one of my requests and didn't call the police.

Connie (3:26AM) Lol but I thought you knew him at least Holly's note: why would I know her beaus? Why would I want to? and I went up the street hell I did not know the big dummie was up I thought you were in the bathroom and mam you did not talk to me about me leaving anyone here by themselves but any way thank you for not sitting in my chairs and keeping the heat down.

Connie (3:31AM): That's 70 degrees that you can it down and I only you because you told to stop yelling cutting an ass and if the light was on and you did not like it then say s something to me about it i will not know unless you tell me. Holly's note: I have to tell you it's stupid to have on your lights all night and during the day? THE SUN IS OUT!

Connie (3:52) You know you don't have to live here next year because everything I do in your mind is a problem and I really don't understand why you would live with a person that you clearly don't like and have respect for as a person make this your last lease with my mother why stay where you are not happy, you communication comes off as if you are bothered the only thing that I ask is to  clean up and talk to me if you feel like there is a problem because at the end of the day you stay here for right now whatever problem is you need to talk to me and not my mother because more than likey i have already ler her know about i have done so it is best to talk to me if you have a problem with what im doing and toak to me and don't talk at me Holly's note: Her mother doesn't know half the stuff she does, please! Would you tell your mom you did five different dudes in a week? I wouldn't, but then again, I am working with a full set of marbles and have dignity.

Holly (4:25AM) This is silly. Again, I told you I was going to be talking to your mother because I was tired of you disrespecting me and because she is my landlord. And you said that that was fine. As far as leaving strangers here, y should I have to tell you that's a problem?! Would you want me leaving random and questionable folks alone with you for hours? Again, silly. If it happens again I wont tell your mom, I will tell the police because, as far as I am concerned, anyone who is here when you and Audra are gone is an intruder. And you dont have to worry about me being here another year sweets. THAT IS A PROMISE:) Your overall disrespect and disregard for my feelings has shown me you don't want me around. Find someone else you can sucker into paying more than you to live here when its "your house". Tell me how that goes. I feel we r clear on each others feelings. I will only be communicating with you when absolutely necessary.

Connie (4:34AM): Well, you still need to let me know if the lights are on in my room so that I can cut them off and as disrespect goes you done it as well and disregard me so dont sound like theres a problem thank you for moving out too

Holly (4:45AM) LOLOLOL! No problemo. Maybe after you get that first 300 dollar power bill you will be more appreciative of my contribution to this place, but I doubt it. Nor do I car. Enjoy the rest of your day.

Connie (4:47AM) Yea ok nite dear
Connie ( 4: 47AM) Im sorry dear

Holly (4:59AM) Don't be sorry girl! Its all good. As you know, my lease is up in September. We don't have to communicate past them.

Whoever said you don't know a person until you live with them was right! I grew up with this girl and had no idea she was...CRAZY! When I don't feel like I'm living in hell, I feel like I'm living in a brothel! If I could make moonshine and roll joints there would be a possible business venture in this place! Stay tuned for posts on my apartment hunt. Knowing me and my budget, I know this will be a hilarious nightmare.

Pac Div - Posted (Official Video)

Again, I love Pac Div. I found this video on YouTube.

Return to the Water

I am ITCHING to get in the pool, even though it freezing! I love the way I feel in the water, like I can run  And yes, I have been busy and slipping on the pool. But I look forward to going this weekend. It clears my head, you know? And lately, my brain has been a wee bit foggy.

So I got to go to LA with the magazine to do a cover shoot with Ameriie. What is she like? Very petite and funny. She's really easy to talk to and has TONS of hair. I look totally asleep in this pic, lol.

UGH LA FITNESS!

So, today I woke up, logged into Chase.com, and saw that my account looked a wee bit funny. Damn LA Fitness zapped some mystery zap out of my account. This, I am assuming, is the follow up to the $60 zap they zapped out last month that left me in a financial strap. The easy solution would be just to cancel my membership, seeing that I haven't been in like three months. But if I cancel it, I will just use not having a gym membership as the excuse as to why I don't exercise. Sigh.