There is this boy that likes my friend BLEEP. We will call him Dorkums. He has a good job and he is socially conscious. He is clean and funny and yes, a little dorky. He also isn't that hot. But he is a Black man who is employed and kind that still dates Black women. Too me, this makes him a prize! Yet, BLEEP isn't attracted to him. Plain and simple. I think that she should marry this guy, and I think that she thinks that I want her to lower her standards. I mean she's right, how can you date someone that you aren't attracted to? I don't think that she should lower her standards but she just turned 30. I think it is time for her, and many of us like her, to redefine attraction.
When I used to play in the pool at the gym with my elder shero Mama Mermaid, she would tell me cool stories about times past. She told me that she married the love of her life, but that she still got sick thinking of all the men that she and all her friends passed up because they were a little bald or a little weird. She was sure that many of them were good guys. Hot guys are a dime a dozen, but not good ones.
This is what I thought about while I was at homecoming. Honestly, many of the guys from my class still looked as hot as they did ten years ago to me. Sure, some of them are losing their hair, have man acne, or are a little thicker in the middle. Yet still, to some of my friends, they were no dealers just as they were when we were freshmen. This let me know that it's time for some of us sisters to accept some cold, hard facts.
For one, there is more to a guy than the way he looks or dresses. Dorkums looks like Baloo from Jungle Book and wears comic book tees. But he seems to have good sense. That's priceless.
Also, and I hate to say this, but it's true: as women get older, it is harder for them to find love. I think that this is common knowledge that many of us are choosing to ignore because we know that we are a catch. As women get older, they are considered dusty. As men get older, they are considered refined. And don't point out Tina Turner. She is not the rule, she is the exception to it. Someone told me that for women, the 30s are the prime of their lives. I suggest we utilize this time wisely because we don't have all the time in the world. After this, dudes will start dating girls in their 20s and 30s. We have to get it while the gettin' is good. For me, a biological clock is less about the time you have left to procreate and more about your shelf time. There is an expiration date.
I am sure that hurt you to read because it stung me to write it.
And hey, don't go thinking that I think I am any better than you. I once stopped talking to a perfectly normal guy because he said he wasn't a fan of Erykah Badu! But since then, someone told me the hard facts that I just shared with you. Take this information under advisement and at least give the Dorkums in your life a chance.
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