I am currently getting to know a man who is divorced, and sadly, his children did not take the divorce well. Particularly his oldest son. According to him, he and his son were super close until the divorce. Now, seven years later, he and his son have gotten into a number of spats. In the recent one, his son told him that he "wasn't s*%t" and that he was never there for him. He shared with me how much this devastated him and that he feels like all he can do is pray about it because every time he tries to fix things with him, he accidentally ends up making things worse.
Sunday was my mom's birthday and this conversation made me think about how as kids, and even as young adults (which are kids that can drink), we do not think that it is possible to hurt our parents' feelings. We do not think that it is possible, even when we are out of order, and say things to our parents that would have us in tears if someone said those very things to us. Our parents are like statues: they cannot be moved, they cannot be broken. And because of the inherent selfishness of children, the viewpoint is that parents are always trying to hurt us, regardless of the things that we have done and said.
This is a wisdom that comes with age, when you grow past a time when you think that it is impactful in an argument to just say mean things that you don't mean. By the time I was a senior in high school, I had had it with my mother. I found her to be super critical, and I hated her boyfriend. This was the root of most of our arguments. I said an unreal amount of hurtful things to my mom, trying to get her to see that she could do better and that her man was a jerk who was ruining our lives. We also fussed over how I wanted to stay in Atlanta to go to college, and she wanted me to leave the state. I felt like she wanted me to leave so she could love her loser in peace, and the fact that she was poor and willing to take out an exhorbandent amount of loans for me to go to school was a testiment to me of how badly she wanted me gone, not how badly she wanted me to get a good education. In my eyes, my mom was a rock, but I am positive that I hurt her feelings because I know that she hurt mine. If I could go back in time, I would encourage young me to go along to get along (which is what my grandma was advising me to do the whole time) so that I wouldn't have memories of me saying cruel things to my now deceased mom. Again, wisdom that comes with age.
This morning, Savannah posted a video of her daughter, (who puts me in mind of Strawberry Shortcake), getting on the school bus with the other kids in the neighborhood. There was a lot of smiling and waving. They seem to have a very good relationship. But as sure as that little girl's edges are laid, one day she is going to do something to hurt my friend's feelings. Maybe she will not answer her cell phone on purpose, leaving Savannah to assume she has been kidnapped, or maybe she will be super brutal and give Savannah the silent treatment. It's inevitable. But Cupcake will one day find out the same thing that my friend's son will find out and what I already know: doing so will also be very regretable.
