I was a little wary about traveling to Miami, primarily because of the city's reputation. All I ever heard about it was how hot the women there were, and I was not really in the mood to be the only chub surrounded by leggy Latin models. But I have to say, visiting the city was very freeing.
I mean yes, there were tons of hot ladies wondering around, but what struck me most was how comfy everyone was with their bodies. Sexy and not-so-sexy people alike walked the city street with no shame, flaunting their abs and bellies. People were over-tanned, under-toned, veiny, flabby, dimply, and very at ease. There was this "just do you" vibe in the air. People with saggy butts were walking around in thongs, and no one batted an eyelash. Amongst some of the most beautiful, and tacky, people in the world, I had never felt so relaxed!
For the first time in a long time I went to the beach and witnessed all walks of folks riding the waves. Men with hairy backs and low-riding guts, fit dudes in speedos, women with bright white freshly waxed bikini lines, little kids covered in sand. Sitting around the freaks and geeks my huge thighs didn't seem so huge.
I had never relaxed so hard. Even sleeping, I had a good time! I can not wait to visit again, next time with a motorbike and an English to Spanish dictionary.
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Sumo Plan
Yesterday, on the flight home from Miami, I was sooo tired that I could hardly keep my eyes open. Besides being fun, my two-week work trip to L.A. and Miami was unbelievably draining. For the first time ever, I did not try to start a conversation with my seat partner. Instead, I plugged my earphones into my armrest and listened to classic rock.
Although I was half asleep, I noticed that my seat partner, and older Dominican man, was smiling at me. Not a flirty smile, but a friendly smile. I smiled back but as I said, I was not interested in talking.
For a split second I took off my earphones to tell the flight attendant what drink I wanted. This was Mr. Dominican's cue to start talking. He told me that once upon a time he used to be fat, and that now he is 200 lbs. He asked me how much I weighed, and, hesitant not to be rude to an elder, I told him I didn't know, which I don't. He then went on to estimate that I was twice his size, so I must be 400lbs. He asked me how old I was. I told him, and he told me he was in his 60s.
Silly of me to think that that was the end of it. Mr. Dominican went on to school me on the history of sumo wrestling! Did you know that yes, sumo wrestlers are huge, but once they retire, they immediately go on a strict diet? Do you know why? Well, according to Mr. Dominican, it is for the same reason that he lost weight and why I should: to have a better quality of life.
"You are young. If you lose weight, you will have a better quality of life," he assured me, leaning in close. "What? You have never thought of losing the weight?"
I looked in the eyes of this adorable old man and did not see cruelty. Although he was annoying, rude, intrusive, and out of line, I could tell he was not being mean...just old. So I smiled and put my hand on his and said, "No disrespect, but I am tired, and I don't want to talk about this."
"Oh, Ok," said Mr. Dominican, and that was that. Usually, I try to entertain other people's fat facts, but yesterday I was just not in the mood. Only mildly annoyed by this man, I allowed the music of Genesis to rock me to the sleep the rest of the flight back to Atlanta.
Although I was half asleep, I noticed that my seat partner, and older Dominican man, was smiling at me. Not a flirty smile, but a friendly smile. I smiled back but as I said, I was not interested in talking.
For a split second I took off my earphones to tell the flight attendant what drink I wanted. This was Mr. Dominican's cue to start talking. He told me that once upon a time he used to be fat, and that now he is 200 lbs. He asked me how much I weighed, and, hesitant not to be rude to an elder, I told him I didn't know, which I don't. He then went on to estimate that I was twice his size, so I must be 400lbs. He asked me how old I was. I told him, and he told me he was in his 60s.
Silly of me to think that that was the end of it. Mr. Dominican went on to school me on the history of sumo wrestling! Did you know that yes, sumo wrestlers are huge, but once they retire, they immediately go on a strict diet? Do you know why? Well, according to Mr. Dominican, it is for the same reason that he lost weight and why I should: to have a better quality of life.
"You are young. If you lose weight, you will have a better quality of life," he assured me, leaning in close. "What? You have never thought of losing the weight?"
I looked in the eyes of this adorable old man and did not see cruelty. Although he was annoying, rude, intrusive, and out of line, I could tell he was not being mean...just old. So I smiled and put my hand on his and said, "No disrespect, but I am tired, and I don't want to talk about this."
"Oh, Ok," said Mr. Dominican, and that was that. Usually, I try to entertain other people's fat facts, but yesterday I was just not in the mood. Only mildly annoyed by this man, I allowed the music of Genesis to rock me to the sleep the rest of the flight back to Atlanta.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Yay L.A.! 2
In hindsight, I have to say, L.A. was L.A.
I saw Eva Pigford and The Dream having lunch. Everyone had on heels but no one could walk in them. The days were unrealistically long. Riding the city bus made my crotch itch. On many occasions I needed directions, but no one knew English. I have to say, a good time was had.
At one point I got lost in L.A. In a heavily populated Korean area, no one could help me. I had to wait ten minutes for the first Black pedestrian to point me in the right direction. I got to ride the train in L.A., which was, in short, gross. The man who sat in front of me was so funky that my temples began to pulsate. Once off of the train, no one would tell me which way to head in but homeless people who demanded a dollar after giving me vague directions. I complied of course, afraid one of them would stab me with an AIDS needle.
On my way to the festival, I got off the bus in this very dingy area. I was sitting at the bus stop for a minute and a half before I realized that I was in a prostitution hotspot. I have seen prostitutes in Atlanta, and I guess hoes are hoes across the globe, but these looked and seemed particularly...violent. I kept my head down and my mouth closed, which is hard for me.
Ahhh, L.A. I can not wait for next year!
I saw Eva Pigford and The Dream having lunch. Everyone had on heels but no one could walk in them. The days were unrealistically long. Riding the city bus made my crotch itch. On many occasions I needed directions, but no one knew English. I have to say, a good time was had.
At one point I got lost in L.A. In a heavily populated Korean area, no one could help me. I had to wait ten minutes for the first Black pedestrian to point me in the right direction. I got to ride the train in L.A., which was, in short, gross. The man who sat in front of me was so funky that my temples began to pulsate. Once off of the train, no one would tell me which way to head in but homeless people who demanded a dollar after giving me vague directions. I complied of course, afraid one of them would stab me with an AIDS needle.
On my way to the festival, I got off the bus in this very dingy area. I was sitting at the bus stop for a minute and a half before I realized that I was in a prostitution hotspot. I have seen prostitutes in Atlanta, and I guess hoes are hoes across the globe, but these looked and seemed particularly...violent. I kept my head down and my mouth closed, which is hard for me.
Ahhh, L.A. I can not wait for next year!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Yay L.A.!
So I am back to L.A. for this year's film festival. EXCITED! However, I have to say that I am annoyed by the Korean tourists in my hotel that look at me like I am the hugest person that they have ever seen, which may be true. When I get off the elevator, they stare at me with wide eyes and part like the Red Sea for me to pass by. They are speaking in a different language, but I know that they are commenting on me...because they are pointing! They were also watching me eat my cereal during breakfast. Tonight, when I go down to dinner, I am going to offer to let them squeeze my fat for a buck. I can use the extra dough.
Yesterday, when I was on the plane, I sat next to these cool drunk dudes from Louisiana. They slept for like 90% of the flight but when they woke up, they schooled me on The World Cup. Then, this random Hispanic older lady was walking to the bathroom, looked down at me, and tells me that she is "muy consada." I'm like, "I'm tired too" and she touched my face. Well, not so much touch, more like held. I know this sounds weird, but it felt nice. I thought she was going to kiss my forehead. She put me in mind of my grandma.
Yesterday, when I was on the plane, I sat next to these cool drunk dudes from Louisiana. They slept for like 90% of the flight but when they woke up, they schooled me on The World Cup. Then, this random Hispanic older lady was walking to the bathroom, looked down at me, and tells me that she is "muy consada." I'm like, "I'm tired too" and she touched my face. Well, not so much touch, more like held. I know this sounds weird, but it felt nice. I thought she was going to kiss my forehead. She put me in mind of my grandma.
Jamie Foxx
I have been fantasizing about Jamie Foxx for the past few days. It's funny, because I have never really been that into him. But I saw Any Given Sunday for the first time recently, and I must say, I was very impressed with his locker room speedo scenes.
The Burden of Memory
I got the opportunity to interview Pam Grier, and I asked her how she avoided being a bitter Black woman after many of her relationships failed miserably. And she said that she didn't think the term "bitter" was fair; that a woman would be bitter if she wasted time that she can not get back.
I think about these words every now and then, and they have been on replay in my mind for a few days. I have been thinking about how much time I have wasted on rethinking all the things that men have said to me that hurt. It doesn't matter how long ago what was said was said, I can see the scene in my head when they said and quote whatever lines they fed me word for word.
It's not fair. Men don't remember anything. They physically and mentally screw people and keep going. They recall nothing. The world is just there's to be had, any way they want it, and the women they interact with are just pawns in it.
Ms. Grier has real reasons to be bitter and told me not to be. That again, it wastes time. But the older I am getting, it is getting harder for me to see someone else's bullhoodle toward me as their issue and not mine. In turn, I can also feel the bitterness beginning to radiate from my head to my toes. I'm bitter that I am bitter and bitter that I let some man's words bitter me. If only I had Pam's state of mind...wish upon a star.
I think about these words every now and then, and they have been on replay in my mind for a few days. I have been thinking about how much time I have wasted on rethinking all the things that men have said to me that hurt. It doesn't matter how long ago what was said was said, I can see the scene in my head when they said and quote whatever lines they fed me word for word.
It's not fair. Men don't remember anything. They physically and mentally screw people and keep going. They recall nothing. The world is just there's to be had, any way they want it, and the women they interact with are just pawns in it.
Ms. Grier has real reasons to be bitter and told me not to be. That again, it wastes time. But the older I am getting, it is getting harder for me to see someone else's bullhoodle toward me as their issue and not mine. In turn, I can also feel the bitterness beginning to radiate from my head to my toes. I'm bitter that I am bitter and bitter that I let some man's words bitter me. If only I had Pam's state of mind...wish upon a star.
Embarrassed
P said some out of line shizzle to me not too long ago. I would tell you what he said, but I would be too ashamed, frankly.
Any way, I called him and talked to him about it yesterday after not talking to him for two weeks, and he told me that what he said was meant to be "light-hearted" and "if I took offense to it then that was just me."
I was numb. I didn't say anything...but this: "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at me for letting you get so comfortable with disrespecting me. If you ever say something to me like that again, we will not be cool, we will not be friends."
His response, "I don't respond to ultimatums."
Oh, so it's an ultimatum to show me some respect?!
After a friend called him and called him on it, he sent me a text, apologizing right before he brought up some off-hand example of me offending him. I personally don't believe that because I don't believe he can be offended.
The moral of the story: I am so embarrassed. I am embarrassed that I am hurt by the words of a man that doesn't give a shit, clearly. I am embarrassed that I am his friend after 19 years of watching my mother get disrespected. I am embarrassed that I am trying to justify his out-of-line words after seeing my friends and the women around me get disrespected. I am embarrassed that after 25 years of being stern on not disrespecting myself, I did so by letting him do it for me. I am embarrassed that I am even taking time to vent about this while he is probably going along with his day, not concerned.
Am I hurt? Yes. Hurt and confused. I don't get how I am thrown cruelty daily be strangers but somehow, his words always shatter the glass.
Brownie said let it burn and my girl said his friendship to me is poisonous. All I can say is, either way, I don't want to be my mom. Period.
Any way, I called him and talked to him about it yesterday after not talking to him for two weeks, and he told me that what he said was meant to be "light-hearted" and "if I took offense to it then that was just me."
I was numb. I didn't say anything...but this: "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at me for letting you get so comfortable with disrespecting me. If you ever say something to me like that again, we will not be cool, we will not be friends."
His response, "I don't respond to ultimatums."
Oh, so it's an ultimatum to show me some respect?!
After a friend called him and called him on it, he sent me a text, apologizing right before he brought up some off-hand example of me offending him. I personally don't believe that because I don't believe he can be offended.
The moral of the story: I am so embarrassed. I am embarrassed that I am hurt by the words of a man that doesn't give a shit, clearly. I am embarrassed that I am his friend after 19 years of watching my mother get disrespected. I am embarrassed that I am trying to justify his out-of-line words after seeing my friends and the women around me get disrespected. I am embarrassed that after 25 years of being stern on not disrespecting myself, I did so by letting him do it for me. I am embarrassed that I am even taking time to vent about this while he is probably going along with his day, not concerned.
Am I hurt? Yes. Hurt and confused. I don't get how I am thrown cruelty daily be strangers but somehow, his words always shatter the glass.
Brownie said let it burn and my girl said his friendship to me is poisonous. All I can say is, either way, I don't want to be my mom. Period.
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