Recently, I made a vow to let go of some of these boy crushes I have been harboring. Some of them I have had for nearly five years already, and not only have they long ago begun to get boring, but I hadn't revealed my feelings to the guys in question, so they are beginning to get draining. So I figure hey, it's summer! I'm working out, I'm feeling good, I've got a tan, and I'm in my twenties. Why not chuck the boy crushes for man love possibilities, or at the very least, some new replacement crushes.
Well, one of my crushes is getting married. This crush was one of the deeper ones that I have always felt low about. While in college, I formed a crush on this guy nearly instantly. He was smart. He was funny. He was cute, and he knew how to do things the sad girly men I was around at the time did not know how to do, like fix a car and work. But I knew he could not return the feelings. He had a girlfriend for Christ's sake, and I clearly was not his type. However, somehow, my crush became obvious, and he began to detach himself from me. Not totally, but enough for me to get the drift. It was a song and dance I am more than familiar with. But, dare I say, I thought he was different. Gross right?
Anyway, shall we fast forward two years? He is getting married to the girlfriend he had while we were in school. This I have known for about a year now, even though it was just recently confirmed. And since I have not spoken to him in a year, I thought I did not care. However, I went to his wedding site, and can I just say, I spazzed out!
It was crazy! All of a sudden, the reality of the whole situation just hit me like a ton of bricks! But I am not sure why I was so surprised. Was it because all along I did not believe that they were going to get married, or because I am so disappointed in myself for not saying anything all this time? Primarily, I think my initial devastation came from me thinking I was over him.
So again I pose the question, as I have in previous posts, do you ever really get over someone, or do your feelings for them just harbor themselves in the back of your mind or the bottom of your heart until you are FORCED to confront them?
The latter is what happened to me; however, I am not sure if this is the universal way that things work. What I do know is that I have my eyes on a couple of dudes, and hopefully these fresh feelings for them will send my old interests packing. Hopefully, I am more mature now at 24 than I was at 22, and when these men come and go, the spazz cycle will not repeat, fingers crossed.
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