Summer is officially over.
For the past few weeks, I have found myself going through my closet, trying to figure out what gets packed away for next year and what gets to stay hanging. It is too cold for my studded jean capris and entirely too hot for long-sleeved shirts. In the end, everything ends up where it was. I can't let things go. Never could.
I have never been one that lived by that slogan "out with the old, in with the new." It's insulting to me- that you would chuck something old for something new. But its that weird Limbo at the beginning of season changes where people are getting rid of their old things. Sadly, friendships are the first to go.
Let me first say that a confirmed friend has to do something really, really bad to not be on my friend list like murder or drinking off my cup or just something unforgivable. So imagine my shock and dismay when I heard that two of my girls are no longer girls anymore over what is probably some dumb shizzle. Yes, I am experiencing a friend break-up.
Friend break-ups are the worst. They are worst than boy break-ups because boys will dump you and bounce. In a friend break-up, the whole clique is affected. No more group plans because friends aren't talking. Oh, they say it won't be any different, they just won't talk to each other, but how lame is that going to be? In a worst-case scenario, some friends take sides. It's a nightmare!
I can't wrap my mind around it. My friends are special to me. I can't just dispose of them without attempting to work it out. But seasons change, and this whole "out with the old, in with the new" thing comes into play. I don't plan on letting go of any of my close homies, but perhaps I can find a short-sleeved shirt to pack away. Baby steps.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
The Power of Love
Like many a couch potato in the U.S. of A, I spent my Monday and Tuesday watching, you guessed it, the two-part Whitney Houston interview on Oprah. It was very refreshing to see a beautiful, aged Whitney; not the sweaty, belligerent Whitney we were all forced to get used to.
Well, as expected, she spoke on her drug use. I don't think there is a way that she can talk about her career without touching on it. She spoke about how she and Bobby would smoke weed laced with cocaine and just have a ball...until it wasn't a ball anymore and the violence, arguments, and cheating started.
One thing she said was that she had dabbled in drugs before Bobby, but smoking the coke joints was their thing; something they did together for quality time, even though it was essentially ruining their lives and careers. And even though things got really, really bad, she wanted to stay with him because she loved him and she took her vows seriously. She even quoted some Bible verses on marriage. The Bible and coke joints. Beautiful.
I guess what got to me the most about the interview is how she narrated how her life was going downhill prior to her getting clean, Bobby being a large part of the problem, yet she loved him so much she could not leave. I heard that a lot growing up. "Oh, he treats me like shit but I love him so much I can't leave." However, this is more shocking coming from a financially independent megastar like Whitney.
Maybe it is because I am green to men, but what is it about love and wanting love that will have you lose touch of what is good for yourself and allow you to follow a man straight into the ninth ring of hell? I can't rap my mind around it. Whitney Houston was, arguably, one of the world's best singers, up there with the Michael Jacksons and the Madonnas, and she tossed that all away to freebase dope with some broke nigga that had nothing to lose.What is it about love that makes a woman lose her ability to think for herself?
What is sadder than this dependent situation is leaving the man, and then going back to him for the same bull. Again, this is something I saw a lot of when I was growing up. "Oh, he has changed girl. He misses me!" Then the woman returns to business as usual. Let's just pray that Whitney does not return to Bobby, even though he was not all the problem as some are painting him to be. Perhaps, without him, she can get back to knowing herself. Plus, in the event that she reverts back to old habits, everyone knows that dipping your weed filled black and mild and dipping it in melted cocaine is a sport best done a lone.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Church Chillin'
I do believe that I mentioned my new gym friend Mony that invited me to her church. Well, after two weeks of having a heavy schedule, I was able to finally join her and her husband at the Saturday night service.
On the way to the church, I got to know Mony a bit better. She came to this country from Cambodia when she was ten and used to work for a coupon magazine until it went bust. She and her husband have been married seven years, and she just loovveess the Lord! She and her husband are just adorable. They put me in mind of those couples that are already in your picture frame when you buy it.
But back to the church. It is a relatively young church and so is the congregation. There was actually a coffee house inside with smoothies and lattes and the whole nine. The inside of the church looked like a theater, and there were two huge flat screens that played professionally made church announcement commercials. The stage had a playhouse quality backdrop created for the church's own Christian rock band.
I have to admit, I felt a wee bit out of my element. I have not listened to Christian rock since Creed broke up! The members were mostly White married couples in their mid-20s to early 30s. They all looked like what I imagined Hanson's fans to look like as adults. There was a theatrics performance and professional ballerinas and a minister that used words like 'dude' and 'bro.'
The message was about Peter being a mess up, and I actually understood it. I have to say that I liked the service. All this time, I was looking for a small Baptist church like the one I attended while in college, but I feel that I may have found a sweet church home in this huge church. I will keep you posted.
On the way to the church, I got to know Mony a bit better. She came to this country from Cambodia when she was ten and used to work for a coupon magazine until it went bust. She and her husband have been married seven years, and she just loovveess the Lord! She and her husband are just adorable. They put me in mind of those couples that are already in your picture frame when you buy it.
But back to the church. It is a relatively young church and so is the congregation. There was actually a coffee house inside with smoothies and lattes and the whole nine. The inside of the church looked like a theater, and there were two huge flat screens that played professionally made church announcement commercials. The stage had a playhouse quality backdrop created for the church's own Christian rock band.
I have to admit, I felt a wee bit out of my element. I have not listened to Christian rock since Creed broke up! The members were mostly White married couples in their mid-20s to early 30s. They all looked like what I imagined Hanson's fans to look like as adults. There was a theatrics performance and professional ballerinas and a minister that used words like 'dude' and 'bro.'
The message was about Peter being a mess up, and I actually understood it. I have to say that I liked the service. All this time, I was looking for a small Baptist church like the one I attended while in college, but I feel that I may have found a sweet church home in this huge church. I will keep you posted.
Diane and the Plan
I met this adorable woman named Diane at the gym. She is an older White woman in her early 50s that, much like me, lives in the pool and stays away from the actual workout machines. In a nutshell, she rubs me as one of those women that has never said an unkind word about anyone...that wasn't true at least; the kind of woman who recycles and donates old clothes and pays fundraising high schoolers to wash her car.
The other day we happened to be in the pool together for about two hours, and we got to talking about her life. She has been divorced almost as long as I have been alive from a man that was not quite as nice as she is. Everyone including his family was sad about seeing them get divorced, seeing that she's awesome and they are Catholic and he was an asshole. She said that when they divorced he told her she would never find anyone else, and as of now, she hasn't.
She was telling me that she has gone on E-Harmony and Catholic Singles and found that most of the men were either nuts or sex-crazed. She even met a guy at the gym who turned out to be a stalker, and another one that seemed cool, but dropped off the face of the planet. She found that the men she was attracted to most, the gentlemen, always ended up being gay.
"Maybe I am just too old-fashioned to date," she sighed as we walked back in forth in the pool with our foam weights. She told me that she had only been with one man sexually her whole life, her ex-husband, and that she found herself confused by the sex-crazed mentality of today's dating scene, even in her age group. She is just into the little things: dinner dates, water aerobics, and taking care of her pet dogs and birds.
Something about Diane reminded me of myself. What do you do when you are too conservative for today's relationships? How do you actively date while maintaining your dignity? You don't want to be alone, so do you do as the other daters do and ditch the dignity for companionship? I blog about this all the time at 24. It saddened me that this is a situation that middle-aged women are even facing. I guess a part of me was hoping it was an issue that would solve itself with age. APPARENTLY NOT!
But unlike myself, Diane has a plan. She said that she is simply going to continue playing with her dogs and water-walking; she is going to continue to work on getting healthy. Then hopefully someone worth a damn will fall into her lap when the time is right. Reflecting on the guys that have hurt me in the past and the losers that I rounded up online, I guess that is all you can do.
The other day we happened to be in the pool together for about two hours, and we got to talking about her life. She has been divorced almost as long as I have been alive from a man that was not quite as nice as she is. Everyone including his family was sad about seeing them get divorced, seeing that she's awesome and they are Catholic and he was an asshole. She said that when they divorced he told her she would never find anyone else, and as of now, she hasn't.
She was telling me that she has gone on E-Harmony and Catholic Singles and found that most of the men were either nuts or sex-crazed. She even met a guy at the gym who turned out to be a stalker, and another one that seemed cool, but dropped off the face of the planet. She found that the men she was attracted to most, the gentlemen, always ended up being gay.
"Maybe I am just too old-fashioned to date," she sighed as we walked back in forth in the pool with our foam weights. She told me that she had only been with one man sexually her whole life, her ex-husband, and that she found herself confused by the sex-crazed mentality of today's dating scene, even in her age group. She is just into the little things: dinner dates, water aerobics, and taking care of her pet dogs and birds.
Something about Diane reminded me of myself. What do you do when you are too conservative for today's relationships? How do you actively date while maintaining your dignity? You don't want to be alone, so do you do as the other daters do and ditch the dignity for companionship? I blog about this all the time at 24. It saddened me that this is a situation that middle-aged women are even facing. I guess a part of me was hoping it was an issue that would solve itself with age. APPARENTLY NOT!
But unlike myself, Diane has a plan. She said that she is simply going to continue playing with her dogs and water-walking; she is going to continue to work on getting healthy. Then hopefully someone worth a damn will fall into her lap when the time is right. Reflecting on the guys that have hurt me in the past and the losers that I rounded up online, I guess that is all you can do.
Friday, September 4, 2009
The Sorta Situation
So right after I post my Craigslist ad who calls me? You guessed it! Sorta Beau.
Apparently, I wasn't dumped. He has been working overtime to build up his finances for the baby. Yes, the baby. How could I have forgotten about that adorable...sweet...blessing of a baby?
After talking to him for about an hour I could not believe that I had thought about talking to someone else. He's nice and he's sweet and he gets my off, at times morbid, humor, and I am comfortable with him. He is the worn, ran over Nike to my tattered gym sock.
So what is the problem?
The problem is what it always has been: he does not live here and is hesitant about doing a long distance thing. Plus, there is that whole baby mama black cloud that will not pass over. Realistically, it will never pass over, and I have to deal with that if I want this to work, especially since he has decided to be in the child's life ( like I would date a man who ditched his kid).
At first, I did not think that I would have anything against having a long distance thing, but I see that I must, because I did not hear from him for a week and was already searching for a new beau. It scares me to realize that I am that needy; that I am like every other woman in this way.
Yet still, I think that the real beef and potatoes of the situation is that I STILL do not have a title! We have been talking since February! I know that I am new to this whole dating scene, but is that not a long time to be just talking? I would feel more comfortable with him being so far away if I were his girlfriend, even though he has told me that he is not talking to anyone else. I feel that if I was his girlfriend instead of his friend or beau or whatever the hell I am in this garbage dump of a situation, he would have to be obligated to me; he would have to make efforts to come see me and call me more and stuff.
Now I know that this is fantasy language. I believe it is the great philosopher Lil Kim who has consistently reminded us that a man will do what he wants, no matter what you are to him. But I don't want to just be somebody's something, and that is what I feel like now. I mean, where is the growth?
Although the whole Craigslist situation has shown me that my affections lie with him, I feel like I can not stay on a ship that does not move. Should I tell him that if I do not get the big G name, I have to bounce? Just writing that makes me nervous, because I have seen women do that and it never works out in their favor. Plus, I don't really want to stop talking to him, but I do want more.
I never wanted to be anyone's second fiddle, but clearly I will be once his child is born. Plus, he is working three jobs to prepare. Would it not be bitchy of me to throw out the ultimatum when he has so much on his plate, or should I just stick by the wounded woman theory and keep my interest at heart first and foremost?
How confusing. I guess for now I just have to be content with the I miss you texts and late night phone calls.
Apparently, I wasn't dumped. He has been working overtime to build up his finances for the baby. Yes, the baby. How could I have forgotten about that adorable...sweet...blessing of a baby?
After talking to him for about an hour I could not believe that I had thought about talking to someone else. He's nice and he's sweet and he gets my off, at times morbid, humor, and I am comfortable with him. He is the worn, ran over Nike to my tattered gym sock.
So what is the problem?
The problem is what it always has been: he does not live here and is hesitant about doing a long distance thing. Plus, there is that whole baby mama black cloud that will not pass over. Realistically, it will never pass over, and I have to deal with that if I want this to work, especially since he has decided to be in the child's life ( like I would date a man who ditched his kid).
At first, I did not think that I would have anything against having a long distance thing, but I see that I must, because I did not hear from him for a week and was already searching for a new beau. It scares me to realize that I am that needy; that I am like every other woman in this way.
Yet still, I think that the real beef and potatoes of the situation is that I STILL do not have a title! We have been talking since February! I know that I am new to this whole dating scene, but is that not a long time to be just talking? I would feel more comfortable with him being so far away if I were his girlfriend, even though he has told me that he is not talking to anyone else. I feel that if I was his girlfriend instead of his friend or beau or whatever the hell I am in this garbage dump of a situation, he would have to be obligated to me; he would have to make efforts to come see me and call me more and stuff.
Now I know that this is fantasy language. I believe it is the great philosopher Lil Kim who has consistently reminded us that a man will do what he wants, no matter what you are to him. But I don't want to just be somebody's something, and that is what I feel like now. I mean, where is the growth?
Although the whole Craigslist situation has shown me that my affections lie with him, I feel like I can not stay on a ship that does not move. Should I tell him that if I do not get the big G name, I have to bounce? Just writing that makes me nervous, because I have seen women do that and it never works out in their favor. Plus, I don't really want to stop talking to him, but I do want more.
I never wanted to be anyone's second fiddle, but clearly I will be once his child is born. Plus, he is working three jobs to prepare. Would it not be bitchy of me to throw out the ultimatum when he has so much on his plate, or should I just stick by the wounded woman theory and keep my interest at heart first and foremost?
How confusing. I guess for now I just have to be content with the I miss you texts and late night phone calls.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Holly and the List
So yesterday, as I sat in my room looking at the wall while my friends were snuggled up with their beaus or studying or whatever, I made a decision that I was tired of being lonely. It's not my scene. Now I am always talking about finding a man, but I never do anything about it. Yesterday, while looking into the eyes of my Alicia Keys poster, I decided to be proactive. She did snag Swiss Beats after all.
First, a little background. Sorta Beau has not called me in about a week, and I don't think you have to be Madame Cleo to know what that means; you've been jilted. Dumped. Trashed. Tossed. I'm not sure if I am sad because I miss him or because I did not jilt him first! So for about a week, I have been beside myself with loneliness. So I decided to go by my own self-created motto: When in Lonelyland do as the lonely do! And what do they do? They go on Craigslist Personals.
Yes, Craigslist Personals. The meet-up Mecca for lonely, pathetic, DESPERATE, tired, sad, sex-obsessed people who aren't horny enough for Adult Friend Finder or rich or mature enough for EHarmony, but demand all the comforts of Myspace out of their poor quality dating community.For the past couple of days while surfing for job offers that weren't scams on the Craig, I found myself sneaking over to the personals column. I had to have read them all. Women for men. Men for Women. Women for Women. Men for Men. And for the most part, they were all broken up into four parts: single people looking for sex, married people looking for outside sex, serious people looking for a relationship, and that select few who just posted posts making fun of those people who had resorted to using the service.
One ad got to me though. It made me cry. I felt this man's loneliness radiating off my computer screen. He posted about four pictures of his penis with his ad (which was impressive) and said that there was no other way to get women to answer his ad because he wasn't cute, but he had needs and wanted a friend. He had apparently been kicked off the site before for similar stunts. The day I resort to posting Julia (my jay-jay) online for love, I hope that one of you out there in cyberland would have the courtesy to kill me!
Now, I did have my reservations about this. The Craigslist Killer, hello! So I FB chatted with my girl Fran and she gave me the green light. I only need one co-signer for my outrageous impulses. My girl Dizzle was not so supportive. In short, she said I would be raped and murdered, and in short, I did not heed her advice because she has had beaus. No one lives with my solitude but me. Plus, you gotta take chances, right?
So I called Brownie to help me write it, and we came up with a short, three-line paragraph describing what I want: Black Man, no drugs, no babies. And low and behold, I got some responses! But that is for the next post. Don't want this one to be too long.
First, a little background. Sorta Beau has not called me in about a week, and I don't think you have to be Madame Cleo to know what that means; you've been jilted. Dumped. Trashed. Tossed. I'm not sure if I am sad because I miss him or because I did not jilt him first! So for about a week, I have been beside myself with loneliness. So I decided to go by my own self-created motto: When in Lonelyland do as the lonely do! And what do they do? They go on Craigslist Personals.
Yes, Craigslist Personals. The meet-up Mecca for lonely, pathetic, DESPERATE, tired, sad, sex-obsessed people who aren't horny enough for Adult Friend Finder or rich or mature enough for EHarmony, but demand all the comforts of Myspace out of their poor quality dating community.For the past couple of days while surfing for job offers that weren't scams on the Craig, I found myself sneaking over to the personals column. I had to have read them all. Women for men. Men for Women. Women for Women. Men for Men. And for the most part, they were all broken up into four parts: single people looking for sex, married people looking for outside sex, serious people looking for a relationship, and that select few who just posted posts making fun of those people who had resorted to using the service.
One ad got to me though. It made me cry. I felt this man's loneliness radiating off my computer screen. He posted about four pictures of his penis with his ad (which was impressive) and said that there was no other way to get women to answer his ad because he wasn't cute, but he had needs and wanted a friend. He had apparently been kicked off the site before for similar stunts. The day I resort to posting Julia (my jay-jay) online for love, I hope that one of you out there in cyberland would have the courtesy to kill me!
Now, I did have my reservations about this. The Craigslist Killer, hello! So I FB chatted with my girl Fran and she gave me the green light. I only need one co-signer for my outrageous impulses. My girl Dizzle was not so supportive. In short, she said I would be raped and murdered, and in short, I did not heed her advice because she has had beaus. No one lives with my solitude but me. Plus, you gotta take chances, right?
So I called Brownie to help me write it, and we came up with a short, three-line paragraph describing what I want: Black Man, no drugs, no babies. And low and behold, I got some responses! But that is for the next post. Don't want this one to be too long.
Men Just Wanna Have Fun
So Monday night, after posting my ad, I got about 15 responses. This was shocking to me, because I did not include a picture with my post or say anything sexual. After I immediately weened out the weirdos and the companies offering me products, I was left with maybe a handful of guys that did not scare me. I have nicknamed them Clay Figures. For you and only you, I have outlined my favorites.
Demetrius- 29: He just moved to Atlanta from Chicago to take care of sick relatives. Loves poetry, which is a plus, but is only looking for "friendship." Sadly, we can not meet up because his car broke down and he is unemployed.
Giovanni-?: Very sweet and to the point brotha. Got my pic, said he was interested and forwarded me his number. Kinda cute, but from his pic, I got the feeling that contrary to the requirements of my ad, he does use and sell drugs and most likely has kids. He may be cool, but if he does not know who Nikki Giovanni is, I am going to have to let him go.
Adeola4523-? This brotha sent me a picture of him in front of the mirror, fresh out of the shower, with a fitted cap and a towel on. Clearly, he has the most amazing abs I have ever seen! But he bears a striking resemblance to Soulja Boy. I advised him never to email me again after his second message which simply read, "Wanna fuck?"
Deshaud-27: He is my favorite. I like him. College educated, employed, no kids. He seems like he may be the most normal right now. From his response, I see he has a way with words. However, I may have weirded him out a bit by acting too eager and asking him out on a date. Let you know where that leads.
Warren-34: I like him even though he is ten years older than me. He told me upfront he is OK with the BG thing, and that is always appreciated. He works for a cable company and likes sports, reading, and traveling, but he looks a lot like Pimp C and from what I can see in his pic, he is actually sitting with his legs crossed in a pimp chair!
S FF-?: Asshole. This guy looks at my pic and says that he is not interested, which is fine. I just don't know how he thought that BBF stood for Single Thin Indian Girl and not Big Black Female.Well, these are the gems that answered my ad; the Clay Figures. I will be sure to keep you abreast of the developments, but if you do not hear from me in a week, clearly one of them has killed me.
Demetrius- 29: He just moved to Atlanta from Chicago to take care of sick relatives. Loves poetry, which is a plus, but is only looking for "friendship." Sadly, we can not meet up because his car broke down and he is unemployed.
Giovanni-?: Very sweet and to the point brotha. Got my pic, said he was interested and forwarded me his number. Kinda cute, but from his pic, I got the feeling that contrary to the requirements of my ad, he does use and sell drugs and most likely has kids. He may be cool, but if he does not know who Nikki Giovanni is, I am going to have to let him go.
Adeola4523-? This brotha sent me a picture of him in front of the mirror, fresh out of the shower, with a fitted cap and a towel on. Clearly, he has the most amazing abs I have ever seen! But he bears a striking resemblance to Soulja Boy. I advised him never to email me again after his second message which simply read, "Wanna fuck?"
Deshaud-27: He is my favorite. I like him. College educated, employed, no kids. He seems like he may be the most normal right now. From his response, I see he has a way with words. However, I may have weirded him out a bit by acting too eager and asking him out on a date. Let you know where that leads.
Warren-34: I like him even though he is ten years older than me. He told me upfront he is OK with the BG thing, and that is always appreciated. He works for a cable company and likes sports, reading, and traveling, but he looks a lot like Pimp C and from what I can see in his pic, he is actually sitting with his legs crossed in a pimp chair!
S FF-?: Asshole. This guy looks at my pic and says that he is not interested, which is fine. I just don't know how he thought that BBF stood for Single Thin Indian Girl and not Big Black Female.Well, these are the gems that answered my ad; the Clay Figures. I will be sure to keep you abreast of the developments, but if you do not hear from me in a week, clearly one of them has killed me.
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