tony toni tone - anniversary

The 26th of December was our anniversary! Three years! Yay for
us, thanking you for finding my troubled life entertaining!

Resolutions

Every year I set myself up for failure with resolutions, but here we go:

1. Be serious about getting followers for my blogs.


2. Make plans for all the businesses in my head/ brand myself.


3. Visit my grandmother more.


4. Be EVEN more vocal about my love for those that I do love.


5. Save everything on my computer to one of those thingies.


6. Write more in my diary.


7. Go to the doctor.


8. Lear how to drive.


9. GET MY MONEY RIGHT!


10. Print all my pics and start scrap booking again.

This year I feel is going to be different. And not like how I felt this year was going to be different, lol. I feel like these are actually doable resolutions:)

Too Hot for Facebook

I was surfing Facebook last night, as usual, when I decided to Facebook spy on the teen girls that I volunteer with. They have a nasty habit of putting, well, inappropriate pics up and scribbling nasty remarks on each other's walls.
So, I come upon one of my girls and my eyes widened. She was being WAY too sexy. And to put icing on the cake of her way-too-grown up photo, her boy friend comments on the pic and says something like, "Can I have it?" and she is like, "It's already yours." YIKES and GROSS!
She was born in 94, so that explains it all. These 90s babies are crazy, and the girls are in such a rush to be sexy! Their Facebook pages are full of hot and spicy bathroom cell phone pics where they pretend to kiss each other and hug each other by the belt loops. I know this because my sister texts me one of these pics just the other day!
One of the other girls I volunteer with wants me to get her some glamour shots done. She has wanted to be a model for a while, and now she really wants to be one now that her over sexed 17 year old pal has shown her model shots where she is looking over her shoulder at her own butt. She tells me over lunch, "I want to be more sexy." She is 14!
When I was 14 I had dookie braids, smelled a little, and was listening to The Miseducation of Lauren Hill on my portable CD player. I was also a Cadette Girl Scout. I was too busy writing poems about my sad tween life to be sexy. And as someone who just tured 27, I have to wonder, what is the rush to be grown up? And not grown up in a way where you fantasize about having your own apartment, but grown up like I can't wait to have sex and for people to see me naked? I just got off the phone with my Glamour Shot girl, and she explained it to me like so: "You are the old generation and we are the new generation." Ok...WHATEVER THAT MEANS! I shutter to think about myself at 90 with these kids taking care of me. They will be too busy having sex on the lunch room tables at my nursing home to bathe me and change my diapers!

A Curious Breakup

Oh guys, you would have been proud of me yesterday. I put an end to the five year on and off whatever it was that I had with Curious. I was SO relieved! I really just don't want to go into the new year with any Curiouses or Sorta Beaus. They are toxic baggage. Enough already! You either like me or you don't! And if you don't, that's fine. I was just beginning to feel gross, allowing folks to come in and out of my life like I was an old stand by or something! I feel lighter. I am excited!

Bye Train Boy!

Train boy had truly been buggin'! Note to self: don't give out your number when you are feeling bad about yourself.
Sigh.
Where do I begin. After literally the 20th call from Train, I decided firmly that he was crazy and decided to really ignore his calls and serial texts. Here is the result in text message:
Train: Dang ma y u dont want 2 tlk 2 me wats up wit dat
Me: I'm working
Train: (Texts pic of his weewee)
Me: I don't appreciate that, don't contact me again.
Train: (under weewee pic)I hope like this i really want 2 put this inside of & just punish you for ingnoring my calls
Me: No, don't contact me again. Thank u
Train: Fuck u fat ass bitch u r a big ass slob better b glad somebody want 2 holla i just wanted 2 fuck a fat ass woman atleast 1 x just 2 know how ur fat shake
Me: CONTACT ME AGAIN AND I WILL FILE A REPORT ON YOU WITH THE POLICE!
Train: This is the only mutha fuckn way I can get ur attention bitch yall stankn ass ho's dont like when a nigga b nice so im going 2 give u wat u want :)
Me: Consider the police called.
Train: Take you fat FEMA ass back to baton rouge (sidebar: why he assumed I was from there, not sure) ho was sum of fuckin fat pockets that have to come here to polute my city with your bad body order and fuck po po
Train: Fat bitch i don't give a flyn fuck wat do this is not my phone so do u miss piggie
The end. Disrepected yet again by a loser that didn't deserve my time in the first place. Next.

Come on Curious!

Today I got texts, missed calls, and a Facebook chat from Curious, who seemed really, really eager to talk. I haven't talked to him in like three months, true to his usual B.S. Now, he is lonely because of the holidays and he wants someone to phone cake with. As you well know, I am hella lonely, but I have made a promise to myself not to call him or this co-dependent nightmare cycle will never end! It has been like 5 years. If he wanted to be with me, he would have made an effort. Instead, he just calls me on and off to make sure that he can still call me on and off. I am NOT going into the New Year with this.
10:10am: Sup beautiful, how are u doin I miss u
10:28am: Can u talk
9:10pm (text): Call me ASAP plz
Eyeroll. I already know what that's about. If only I had the guts to change my number.

Train Boy

On my bday, while I was feeling crappy about myself, I ran met a guy on the train. He was cute, so I gave him my number. Mind you, at the time, I didn't have my phone, my roommate had it.
When me and the phone were reunited, I saw that he had called me like four tons and sent me tons of texts. This weirded me out, seeing that I had just met him.
The next day, endless back to back calls. Endless texts. And when I stopped answering his texts, he started sending me pictures of himself. Him with his friends. Him at work. Him topless. I'm like, Yikes!
So this morning, he calls me at like 8 am and I am like, "Dude, it's 8 am!"
He is like, "What? The kids are awake."
And I'm like, "I don't have kids, talk to you later."
This was followed by at least three more calls and a bundle of texts, one asking if we could meet up when he gets back to Atlanta and another telling me he has a Christmas gift for me. Sigh. I have been riding public transit since I was a child, and I still haven't learned not to give my number to strangers.

UnAppreciated

The theme of this month for me has been unappreciation.
Do any of us ever really feel appreciated at our jobs? I mean, even when we work for ourselves?
This is the question I am battling with. I feel that in a couple of weeks, I will have an answer.

HOTMUSIC

Is Duke Ellington moon walking, lol? Gave me chills, I love it!

My 27th Birthday

So, at about midnight on Friday, I woke up to go pee and was greeted by a chocolate on my dresser that my roommate Audra made for me. We ate some of it in the kitchen, then I went back to bed.
I woke up the next morning, and Audra offered to take me to The Waffle House for breakfast. On the bus ride there I was informed that because it was my birthday, I could get into the aquarium for free!
After breakfast, we split ways. I had to go meet with my PR client and she had to go to her job's Christmas lunch. I wasn't on the train two seconds before I realized my phone was gone. Sigh.
The next hour was a frenzy of negativity, crying, and panic. I can not afford another phone. So I get to my PR client's. Audra has texted her. She has it. I am relieved.
From there I went to the aquarium but I was in some sort of a daze or something. I should not have gone. The aquarium is a family place, and I was the only one walking around alone. I felt stupid, but I did enjoy the penguins, seals, and the little Africa section. Cool stuff.
My walk to the train station from the aquarium was a nightmare. I thought I was going to cry. The Christmas music was making me sad, the kids playing around were making me sick, and the whole joyous theme of Centennial Park was making me depressed.
Finally make it to the train station and a random man gave me $20 on the bus.
Bought some juice, came home, drank with vodka, went to sleep until Audra brought me some dinner.
Birthday over. I say it went well seeing that originally, I wanted to cancel it. Another year under my belt. Really excited about making it count, just glad the day is over.

20Pause

Lately, I have been really concerned about my mental well-being. Really. Concerned.
My last period was an emotional disaster. I can't even explain how lost and alone I felt and the types of things I was thinking. I tried to talk to Lauren about it, but I honestly couldn't put into words how shitty I was feeling. And then I was like, shocked, because it came out of nowhere.
Then, yesterday, on my bday, while I was walking, I was OVERWHELMED by negative thoughts. I mean overwhelmed to the point where it was paralyzing and hard to breath. I was just eager to get home and cry!
So, I talked to Jamaica about it, and how I think I should try to go and get put on meds because the thoughts were so scary and overpowering, and she told me that she had experienced the same thing and nearly had a break down in one of her government certification classes.
"You don't need medication," she assured me on Thursday. "I have been going through this for a year, I told my dad about it and he's a doctor and he said it's fine. We are all going through it."
But after the birthday breakdown, I was not convinced, and I talked to her again on Friday. She said, "It's horrible, but I'm telling you, you don't need meds. All the girls our age are going through it, it's like menopause for women in their 20s before they hit thirty, I promise."
I have coined this 20Pause.
And if Jamaica is infacto correcto, I feel like I have to be having the most worstest horrifiyingest 20Pause on the books! Yesterday, I thought that I was going to have a panic attack! I mean guys, it was scary, and if this is so common, how come this is the first time I am hearing about this? Yesterday my swing was so bad, I wanted to change my ringtone from "I Love Your Smile" to "Black Hole Sun"! I think I will have to research this, I will let you know what is up for the potential 20Pausers out there.

The Dia Logic

So, I have a girlfriend named Dia who has been single for a long time. And I don't even have the blog space to tell you about ALL of the losers she talked to before she found her current beau. He is literally an answered prayer. She prayed and prayed for a Christian man that would love her an respect her and all that jazz. So, she found one. The issue is that he is a bit inexperienced and can't pick up on body ques on when to kiss her and touch her and all of that good stuff.
I suggested that she just teach him what to do and all will be well. I haven't had a lot of boyfriends, but even I know that men are idiots and you have to teach them everything. She doesn't want to because she feels like he should know and, because she feels like if she teaches him how to be a better boyfriend, if they breakup, he will go out and be a better boyfriend to the next girl.
I couldn't believe my ears! She was pretty much telling me she was willing to be unhappy so that he could be a sucky bf to the next girl in the event that they broke up. Who thinks like that?!

Rihanna - You Da One

This is a cute song. Try to count how many times ReeRee grabs on her
vagine-gine. I counted 6 times.

If I only think about him when it is late at night, I probably need to start going to bed at 6pm.

Beyoncé - 1+1

Very pretty song and video.

There are two things you don't do: you don't use the restroom at a bus station and you don't listen to Adele when you are lonely. Neither are good ideas...I'm just sayin'...