The Universal Aunty

What is youth?
This is a question I have been going over again and again in my head for the past couple of months, ever since I allowed myself to be aware of the fact that, in December, I will be turning 35. And after much deliberation, I have decided that youth is being able to live as carefree as possible without the fear that any little decision can result in a disaster that you can not rebound from.
When I was in my 20s, I lived in a never-ending, 24-hour cycle of consistent fear. What if I lost my job? What if I lost my apartment? What if I was unable to pay my bills? What if I lost the small amount of clout that I'd built for myself? Guess what? All of the above happened. And since I felt like I was 105 at 25, I slipped into a black hole that has been very hard to climb out of. I didn't understand what it meant to have youth on my side! When you are young, you can lose everything and make enormous mistakes. Then, after you've cried and sent out a series of emotional Tweets, you can dry your eyes and use that youthful energy to start all over. And what I know now is that you will do that over and over again until you end up someplace that sticks and that is called life. I didn't understand this as a young woman so now, as a sorta-young woman, I am a few steps behind the game. But it is all good. It has been put on my heart to warn those beautiful melanated beauties behind me of this part of the game that no one shared with me. I have Christened myself The Universal Aunty.
Yesterday, I went to brunch with Haynes and we were seated next to two adorable little sisters. They informed us that they were 25. I told them to drink more water because 30s acne is real. I told them to go on birth control, quit their job if they hate it, and travel. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE YOUNG! They should be building experiences, not chaining themselves down to a way a life that can be snatched away like I did. Know this while you are busy knowin' stuff: life has its own plans for you.
Recently, one of my rideshare drivers told me she was 23 with no kids. I told her that after she dropped me off at my destination, she needed to get on the freeway and drive to Miami. I told her not to worry about money, she could sleep in the car. She said that that sounded nice, but I could tell that she was not going to do it. There is something about liking access to your phone and good credit that will forever keep some of us in chains.
Five years and two months from 40, I am just now understanding this, and I intend to use this last bit of my sorta-youth to learn, live, and shine like it is 2009...minus my micro braids and crush on Nelly.

Friends

I will admit that I have had a huge issue with comparing myself to other women, and with the creation of social media, it has only gotten worse. As I sit here broke, I have the pleasure of logging on to my Instagram to see my rich college friends traveling the world and buying houses. But there is something to be said for being thankful for what you do have, and what I do have is friends.
Over the weekend, I had the opportunity to attend a women's conference. And during the conference, so many women opened up about not having friends. Can you imagine not having so much as one person you call a friend? While I have been drooling over people in my life that have nice cars and money to throw around, I really didn't understand how blessed I am to have friends in my life. And not just seat fillers; people who only come around when there is a housewarming or a bowling night. I mean real friends, like the people that I called after my mom died and when I went broke. There is truly something to be said about having a community. They typically take years to build and as I am finding out, no amount of cash can buy you genuine support.
I'm realizing that this is one of those grownup lessons that they tell you when you are a kid that doesn't resonate until you are older. And even though I don't have my own car or place to live, I can say that I'm very happy that I have good people in my life. I get now that there are other girls out there that don't.

The Bible Theory

In the Sex In The City movie, Sarah Jessica Parker told Jennifer Hudson's character that your 30s are for the hard lessons. Carrie girl, you ain't never lied! Through talking to my friends, there are some lessons being learned out here in these streets that are outright BRUTAL. In my life, the lessons over the past years have been downright DEVASTATING. But every now and then, you like to hear about someone else's screw ups to make you feel a little better about your own.

I talked to my friend Amelia who informed me that her college ex recently got divorced 😞 It seems that he cheated on his wife, who now gets Juanita Jordan level alimony from him😍 I was never the biggest fan of this guy. He has always been mildly douchey. But I was happy to hear that he was learning one of those killer 30s lessons: it's cheaper to keep her. However, what was even more interesting about this story was Amelia's take on it all.  

"His ex-wife is Christian, and I know that it is wrong that he cheated on her, but in The Bible, men had like ten wives at a time. Men fell in love many times and had many women and everything was all good. I'm just saying."

Oh no. My friend has become one of those girls. 

I don't know where I fall on the Christianity scale. I believe that there is a God, but I hate waking up early on Sundays. Yet it never ceases to amaze me how people will use The Bible to justify any and everything. First, it was slavery, not it's group relationships! 

I do not believe that God would want you to allow yourself to be disrespected to fulfill some dude's misogynistic fantasy of having a whole bunch of women at his beck and call. Furthermore, we as women can not drink this Kook-Aid that He would. We all have to be in one accord on this before we all wake up one day as sisterwives, wondering how we go to this place. I believe that there is one person for everybody, and when you find them, appreciate it, and demonstrate a little friggin' self-control and try to be committed! Because a lesson that I have learned in my 30s with men is this: you better stand firm on your morals with them. Letting silly stuff slide like cheating makes it hard for the next woman to have a committed relationship. We can not settle for less, for ourselves, and for the next sister's sake. 

I explained this to Amelia and she said that she agrees, although I don't see how you can fall on both sides of the fence with this. One of those lessons that you probably learned in middle school applies: stand for something or fall for anything. A least stand for respecting yourself and knowing your worth. I know, easier said than done. Let's work on it together. 

What My Trip to New Orleans Taught Me

So a week ago I went to New Orleans to visit friends and for an event sponsored by Smooth 'n Shine. I went to school in New Orleans, and it's one of my favorite places ever. However, I hadn't been there pretty much since I graduated. Below are the things that my revisit to New Orleans taught/ reminded me.

1. Stay Focused: I have some friends that stayed in the city that have lost focus a little and gotten caught up in crazy. No crazy.
2. I'm Awesome: Sometimes the people in my life can make me feel like I'm stupid or not good enough. Visiting my college campus reminded me that I am the ish, so much the ish that I don't have time for foolishness.
3. Cocktail Free: There was a time when I could drink, but that time has passed. Like, really passed. I can sip on wine, but that is about it. No. Hard. Drinks.
4. I'm Out of Shape!: In college, I didn't have a car, so I walked everywhere. However, walking New Orleans during my visit made me feel like I was going to die! Cab please!
5. I'm a NATURAL People Person: I thrive around people. I am funny around people. I am the life of the party around people. Sadly, some people in my life have worked my nerves to the point that I want nothing to do with people. I can't allow that.
6. I'm Old: Again, there was a time that I could stay out LATE. Once, I stayed on Bourbon Street from like 8pm to 8am. That can not and would not happen today! I need to be tucked in my midnight at the latest.