The Man, the main, and the Mrs.

After meeting a young man that my cousin brought home from college this Thanksgiving I have to say that yet again, the male process of deductive reasoning never ceases to amaze me.
First off, let me describe this guy to you. He is tall and thin and handsome and brown. He may be a couple of months shy of 21. He is a broadcast major that keeps clips of his work handy on an adorable bite-size laptop in a matching bite size bag. He agrees that commentator news is killing journalism. Although he is only a sophomore, he has traveled to Cambodia to do a hard, international piece, and he doesn't sag his skinny jeans. That's really important because a sagging skinny on a man makes my stomach ache.
I say that all to say, in a nutshell, that this guy comes off as an upstanding young man. However, I feel that there are some women out there that may feel his relationship practices could label him as otherwise.
Never missing a chance to interview a young cutie, and potentially find a match for a single buddy, I asked the lad if he was single. He said yes. But a few follow-up questions revealed that he has a girl, a P.Y.T. that he refers to as his "main." Even though he has been dating her for four years and did not mind me referring to her as his girlfriend, he still considers himself single. Why? Because he's not married silly.
And since he is not married, he also has another girl, I mean woman, on the side. He refers to her as a "Sugar Mama" who's 32-years-old and married with kids. I had to laugh as well as respect his swag. I mean really, how did he find a grown woman to financially support him in this economy? But hey, it is not that he does not earn his sugar mama's sweets. As he said, she needed someone to "take care of business." You can deduce what that means.
For some reason, I wanted to know why the "Sugar" just didn't leave her husband if she was unhappy. He said he wouldn't want her to because, at his age, he couldn't "do anything with her" if she did. I also asked him about commitment, to his "main" of four years. He then informed me that, if you are not married, there is no such thing. But he did share that he one day hopes to get married and have kids, so I asked him at what point do you get serious with a woman to even lead to that point. He did not know, but assured me that you do commit once rings have been exchanged.
Although I appreciated his honesty, I was a bit annoyed with the feeling that I got that he viewed women as disposable. But I guess I have to stand in his Steve Maddens here. He is a young, college-educated brotha with no kids who is clearly going places in life. He attends a college where the ratio of women to men is 7:1. With those odds, it seems that women can be tossed and replaced.
I enjoyed speaking with this guy, because I feel that he represents a new generation of daters who, essentially, don't date. So where does this leave females who have been searching since their first Disney movie for commitment? Up the creek without a paddle I would imagine, seeing that this guy asked me why someone would even want a commitment. I guess that boys will be boys. Isn't that what they used to say? Boys will be boys until they grow up and become a man, and that is all good. But I guess my ultimate question as someone who is quite unlucky in love is this: what position do young women play until men break out of there Peter Pan phase? From the looks of it, there are always openings for "Sugar Mamas" and "mains."

Not Headed to the Chapel

A good friend of mine, Evan, is getting married next week.
Know that when I say this out loud, I say it while doing one of those tight, painful smiles where my teeth don't touch. My eyes are a little watery, and my nails are jammed in my thigh. Needless to say, I will not be attending the ceremony.
I would love to make this about the girl that he is marrying, but it is not. We attended college together and she is pretty cool. I would love to even make this about him. I had a HUGE crush on him in college that you could see from the moon. But, truth be told, I have not talked to him for over a year. He works two jobs and has a little girl now. I think about him, but my heart has made more useless crushes more pertinent, so it's not about him.
You see, I have a close girlfriend, Cassandra, that I call Peter Pan. I call her this, as you may have guessed, because she, in my opinion, refuses to grow up. She drags her feet setting career goals and she doesn't take a lot of things seriously that keep me awake at night with worry. Yet, when I see a friend of mine headed towards adulthood, particularly through marriage, I get edgy.
First off, marriage is so permanent. I know today people literally get divorced after a day or two, but the idea is still permanent. Permanence=Stability=Adulthood. What can I say? I'm an 80s baby. I don't want to grow up. I'm a Toys R Us kid. At 24, when the pressures of my life get to be too much, I just want to curl up in a ball next to my laptop and watch old episodes of "Dark Wing Duck" and "Wishbone."
I also don't like being left behind, which is how I feel when anyone I know takes a significant adult step. It's wack but true.
So, these reasons, finances, and the fact that it's another reminder that I am not progressing at the rate that I would like, is why I can not attend this wedding. Seeing my friends walk down the isle would just take too much out of me. I need all my energy to deal with the fact that, in a little over a month, I am turning 25. Again, tight smile.