About three months ago I attended a fab dinner party at my gym friend Jasmine's house. She had invited a few friends over to celebrate her loosing 50lbs. She is from Florida, so there was TONS of island food, and can I just say, it all was delish!
Anywho, at this party, I met this very adorable big couple. The husband coached high school football and the wife was a pharmacist. They were both tall and both considerably large, but together, they were very electric and fun. Leaving the party, I was happy to have met them, particularly the wife. My sides were literally aching from laughing so hard at the colorful stories she told about her job.
Fast forward to late last week. Jasmine tells me after water aerobics that the wife, whose name I sadly don't know, has died from complications with her gastric bypass. Although I had only met her once, I found myself feeling really sad about the whole situation. Another sistah ends up biting the dust from dying to be thin.
Just in case you did not know let me inform you: I am THOROUGHLY against weight loss surgery. The only time I can sort of be for it is if you are so heavy that there is no way that you can exercise on your own to lose weight. The media loves to show you those stupid commercials with a woman in a bikini on one side of the screen and the uglier, fatter her on the right. Never have I seen a commercial that talked about the fatal side to getting such serious surgeries.
My mom had a friend when I was little whose complications caused by her stomach stapling had her feeding herself from a needle. A woman in the mall I once worked at got one of those stomach scrunchies and ended up almost completely losing control of her bowels, leaving embarrassing trails of diarrhea wherever she went. Then there was Tameka Raymond, Usher's wife, whose little weight loss procedure left her overseas getting correctional surgery. And who can forget Dr. West, Kanye's mommy, who's tummy tuck from hell sent her straight to the coffin.
When I was in high school, I remember walking out of the grocery store and being stopped by a random woman who asked me ever so inappropriately, "Girl, why don't you get a gastric?" All I could do was stare. That was back in the day when people's random remarks had the power to render me speechless. Then she goes on to say, "I got some insurance girl, and they are paying for the whole thing. You should look into that." She got really close to me, like it was a big secret. I could not pinpoint what annoyed me more: the fact that she thought I would be interested or the fact that she could not have been more than 30lbs overweight!
As I sit here eating some shrimp with broccoli and fried rice, I think of my married associate who wanted to lose weight in her thirties to enjoy life and become a mother. I wish she was still with us. First, I would ask her her name. Then, I would ask her if, looking back as a weightless angel, she felt the surgery was even worth it. I think we can figure out what her response would be.
2 comments:
It's rather crazy the amount of pressure our society puts on women to be skinny--especially woman of color. Not only do we have to grapple with the perennial pressures to be as thin as a damn tooth pick but we have to look like barbie as well. I call it the european standardization of beauty syndrome (such a long phrase...lol). And, sadly most of us sistah's fall victim to this . I say, love ya' self and screw all else in between ;)
I love this. One thing I hate is that people feel it is an either or thing. Either you don't lose weight, or you go to extremes. When I started to lose weight, a few people assumed I would become annorexic and told me this. I decided to prove them wrong :) Cause you can definitely get to a healthy weight by moving more and eating better, even if it takes a year, two years...maybe 3. But as long as you learn a new lifestyle, it will be with you forever. No complication, scars, etc. If you love yourself, you gotta be patient with yourself, and take CARE of yourself till you get to where you wanna be. It is so possible.
much <3 always
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