The Dating Game

One of my good friends is interested in dating a man that she kind of already dated. You see, they were seeing each other and it seemed to be going well until the mother of his child moved in with him. I'm not sure why, but she swore that he swore up and down that there was no funny business. She just needed a place to stay. Obviously, this put their budding relationship in the freezer. 

Now, after a few months, things are starting to pick up again for them...slowly, and my friend doesn't get it. He has said that he likes her and that he is interested in her, but he doesn't speak to her unless she initiates conversation first. This is leaving her to wonder where he stands. 

"Sadly, I don't think he is interested," I tell her. No girl enjoys having to tell their friend this, especially when she is awesome. "Think of your previous relationships. Weren't those guys intentional about showing you how they felt?"

"That's true," she said, processing the statement. 

But as you know, when there is one friend speaking truth into a friend's ear, there is another speaking nonsense. Another friend of hers advised her to just be cute and ignore him and not be so available, you know, play games. We are in our mid 30s. When do we become too old to play games?!

Even as a child, I didn't like games. I preferred sitting in the corner, eating a snack and reading a book. I didn't participate in game playing when it was age appropriate for me to. I remember watching my peers running with balls and chasing each other down. Even then, I didn't think it should be that hard to win. 

My opinion has not changed much, especially when the view to 40 from where I am sitting is clear as a bell. At this age, it is not only immature to play games, but also a COMPLETE waste of time. I suggested to my friend, who is two years older than me, that she sit down with him, tell him how she feels, see what he says, and then move on accordingly from there. If he is not interested, she will know, and can them move on to the awesome brotha that is worth her time. 

I understand that this is easier said than done. I think that we avoid being grownups when it comes to relationships because no one wants to have the hard conversations. They usually come with emotional owies that we just don't want to take on. So, instead, we do the dating version of tag, one-upping each other with disrespect and cruelty until one of us taps out or gets tired. Apparently, this is cool, even in our 30s. I hate to see what dating in our 40s is going to look like. I'm not optimistic. 

Bad Communication

It's true! Brownie was telling the truth! If you ignore a boy, he will pay attention to you!
Case in point, Curious. I was just so tired of being the one reaching out to him all the time, you know the story. So Brownie told me to ignore him. I stopped answering his texts and didn't call.
Fast forward to yesterday. As I was baking chicken breasts, he calls me and demands to know why I have not been texting or calling him. I tell him straight up that I was tired of making all of the efforts and figured that when he wanted to hear from me, he would call. Brownie says I just should have told him I was busy, but I felt like the truth was in order. Curious said that wasn't cool, that that's "bad communication" and that he waits on me to call him because he figures I am busy. Whatever.
Then he goes on to tell me he is going back to school. Now, this was shocking, seeing that I have brought this topic up before and he crapped on it. Now, after a week of no convo, he is ready to get an education.
I hate playing games with folks, but this is one trick I am going to keep up my sleeve.

Playing Games

The other night Brownie and I decided catch up on our beau dramas. I told him about the Curious Clusterfuck and he schooled me to some game...about games.
I will not attempt to quote him, for his wording was too genius. But basically, he evaluated my timeline. I was really into Curious once upon a time, and he vanished. Years later, I run into Sorta Beau and I am super smitten. Curious is furthest from my mind and pops back up, riding me hella tough. I ignore him because I am sooo into Sorta. Sorta then starts to back up. I then turn to Curious, and the less I call him the more he is buggin'. Return his "interest" and he starts acting funny. The moral of the story: the more interested I am the less they are, even if they initiated the feelings. The solution: act like I don't like them when I do so they can stay on my jock.
Here is the thing: I do not like games...of any kind. Checkers, Uno, nothing! I have always wanted my game to be the anti-game. I like you, I tell you, and if you like me, we move forward. Why should I have to waist the rest of my precious 20s playing double dutch with these clowns?! What ever happened to just being honest and upfront?
Apparently, according to Brownie, those are two qualities that games don't have. However, I always have the option to not play, and just be left out, like in middle school softball. So do I want to be stupid and play or have my integrity intact and sit out, again, like in middle school? I'm not sure. I feel like I am too old to be involved in this rig-a-maroo. However, I do know that in middle school, I always felt lonely reading my Christopher Pike novel while everyone else was having so much fun, even those that got hit in the head with the ball.