Dirty 2: The Dumb and The Fearless

Early this morning, as I was texting with phone-mance man, let's call him HaiBae, some rando texted me a full-frontal naked photo that was apparently intended for someone named Jessica. Wow! Not only had he sent out an intimate photo of himself, but he'd sent it to the wrong number! I couldn't decide if he was fearless or dumb. 

I would be asking myself this same question as I transitioned to speaking to HaiBae on the phone. Let's just say that when it comes to being physical with someone, he's a speed racer type of guy and I'm a hay-covered wagon type of woman. For him, this equates to me refusing to be spontaneous or live life. And I get that. This is a man that told me early on that one of his favorite things is exercising on the nude beach where he's from. In response, I'd told him I like to read. 

Early this morning, our naughty talk crashed into me learning more about his personal doctrine. To say that he goes with the flow is an understatement. According to him, we are put here to enjoy lives. They are already mapped out for us. He believes in a higher power but not really an afterlife, because energy never dies. For me, if you don't believe in an afterlife, life gets easy and fun quickly, because there are no postmortem consequences. If you are never going to have to pay for things you've done that are against a doctrine you don't recognize, everyday is a party! Have another shot of vodka while you ride another wiener. Who's going to check you boo?! 

As I listened to him talk about his whimsical life, one centered on exploring, living, and satisfying desires, I could not decide if he was fearless for living out loud or dumb. I was hearing him say a lot of stuff, but nothing about guard rails. I'm assuming those come from God. But if God is a homie riding shotgun in your so-called life and not a heavenly disciplinarian, who needs rules? You'd just do what you want using your own ideals as a compass, which is what I think is happening with HaiBae. I just can't decide if that's low-end crazy or high-end genius. 

He knew without me even saying that I am someone who operates out of fear. I was a goody two-shoes kid which has translated into an overly cautious adult who secretly craves the freedom of being reckless. But is that really freedom? Since God is my judging father and not my high-fiveing roommate, I'm going to have to say the answer is no. 

HaiBae wants to "f*ck me" as he so eloquently put it. Nastily, he has a way with words that I like. However, we've reached the point where I have put up or shut up. He's over our spicy convos. HaiBae has made it crystal clear that we either need to do something or not because just talking about it "bores him". For some reason I thought of James 2:17, "Faith without works is dead." As hot as he is, I just can't let go enough to engage in a hookup. As fearless as hooking up with a man I don't know well would be, putting out my thirst for danger, I just couldn't. That would be dumb. 

Not So Dirty 30: The Texting Tools

I think that its time that we create some rules for texting between the sexes. I apologize if there are some already in circulation, but they definitely haven't made their way to the men I talk to. Here are a few rules to nibble on, inspired by what I have dealt with these past two weeks:
1. When a girl texts you a standard wyd text, that is not license for you to send her a topless photo of you in pajama pants.😞
2. If you haven't talked to a girl in OVER A YEAR, there is no need to text her ever again, even if your girlfriend has dumped you and there is no one else to text.
3. Texting a girl that you want to go on a date with her....to her own house...at midnight is a clear sign that you are not seriously  interested. Do not text her a confused emoticon when she does not reply.
4. And with that in mind, use your words. How are 7 different yellow faces in a row supposed to communicate to me that you had a bad day at work and will hit me back after watching Boodocks on Netflix?

Again, these are just a few rules to consider.

Gross! 2

Yet another conversation in texts.
Curious: Wat up sexy are u free to talk
Me: Yes, call me
Curious: It would be nice to be thought of or called sometime
Me: (No response)
Ok, first off, it is sad that I am still communicating with this clown after his little sexting stunt. Apparently, he could not tell by my unresponsiveness to it that that bothered me. But furthermore, why do the few and far between guys that I talk to try to put me in a position to court them? Again, am I not the girl?! Yes, I am a feminist, but there are some rules that are unchangeable. Boys initiate. That's what my grandma told me, and that is the rule that I live by. Point blank: we both can't be the female. If it bugs you to have to show interest, why should I?

Gross!

A conversation in texts (another reason not to text at all)
Curious: Wat up baby are u free to talk
Me: Hey you! I am on my way to the bank, but I will call you back tonight.
Curious: Your phone has been off for a week or so I been tryin to call u
Me: I know, I'm sorry. Not having a phone has been horrible! I can't wait to talk to you and catch u up
Curious: Lol ok baby
Curious: I will be in atlanta soon i wanna give u dis BLEEP
Me: (no response)
Curious: Have you ever thought about givin BLEEP b4
Me: (no response)
Question: Why? Just why?

Text Mess

Texting is ruining the fabric of America. I just want to make that clear.
OK, maybe not America, but relationships.
Like four of my friends have complained to me about man text convos in like the past week. The problem? They are left to figure out the severity of words from a text without hearing their beau's voice. Was he being funny, or was he getting an attitude? Was he serious, or was this a joke? Or even worse, they are left to try to figure out what he meant by not responding at all!
As if men were not hard enough to understand, we have to try to interpret their misspellings and lack of appropriate grammar to figure out what is going on! I don't know about you, but I don't understand the men in my life when they are talking to me. Now I have to try to figure out the true meaning of the five words that they typed, attention split between me and their XBox.
New rule: no man text convos...ever. Not even family. It leaves too many questions unanswered: too many things up in the air. Texting has become their new way of avoiding us and conflict. Conflict is healthy. Plus, I miss conversations. Anyway, how can you base a relationship off of pre-meditated typing? How can you really get to know someone like that? If doing so has really worked for you, shoot me a text.

Bad Communication

It's true! Brownie was telling the truth! If you ignore a boy, he will pay attention to you!
Case in point, Curious. I was just so tired of being the one reaching out to him all the time, you know the story. So Brownie told me to ignore him. I stopped answering his texts and didn't call.
Fast forward to yesterday. As I was baking chicken breasts, he calls me and demands to know why I have not been texting or calling him. I tell him straight up that I was tired of making all of the efforts and figured that when he wanted to hear from me, he would call. Brownie says I just should have told him I was busy, but I felt like the truth was in order. Curious said that wasn't cool, that that's "bad communication" and that he waits on me to call him because he figures I am busy. Whatever.
Then he goes on to tell me he is going back to school. Now, this was shocking, seeing that I have brought this topic up before and he crapped on it. Now, after a week of no convo, he is ready to get an education.
I hate playing games with folks, but this is one trick I am going to keep up my sleeve.