Hey Ya'll

I am so sorry that I have been abandoning ya'll. If I would have written you earlier in the week, I would have been writing you from a place of great emotional distress. And I didn't want that, couldn't have it. Here is the deal: I am on deadline, Connie and I got in a major argument, my brother may have to leave college, and, for the cherry on top: I am missing Mardi Gras for the first time in eight years! I was really in a stink guys.
Now, I am kind of in a Que Sera Sera type of mood. I have a 1,000 stories due, but please believe me when I say that I am spiritually drained. Dorothy has invited me to stay with her in Nashville for a minute. I think I will take her up on the offer. I just need to spiritually regroup in a positive environment. I am no super Christian, but I am here to holler, there is a difference between being tired and being spiritually drained. Can I get an Amen?

The Petina Pan Complex

I don't dislike attractive women, or women that think that they are, in the same way that I don't dislike women with relaxers or those serious flat iron jobs. But I have to be honest, they annoy me with their ENDLESS tips on how to improve my looks, the way that permies annoy me, always asking me if I have ever considered what my hair would look like straight; the way that skinny people annoy me forever asking me if I have ever thought of going on a diet.
I have coined it "The Petina Pan Complex"- the need for some, as a self-proclaimed pretty people, to spred their style tips to what they consider to be the beauty disenfranchised. For some reason, I always get these UNASKED FOR suggestions the closer it gets to the warm months. I guess the Petina's, always thinking of others, want me to be cute for the summer.
Dear Petina, do me a hug fav and sit down! I don't know if you got the email toots, but I am cute! Fat with kinky hair yes, but cute!
The great part- Atlanta is Petina Town!
Eye roll.

Couchie Clipping

Yesterday I was chatting with my editor, and she asked me why I didn't arch my eyebrows. I told her I was a fan of the Burt from Sesame Street look.
Then she goes, "Well, I hope you shave that," and gave me a head nod to the lap.
I had to disappoint her. Nope, I don't do anything to the ol' croch. No triming, shaving, waxing, nothing. For a brief minute, I almost let Fran talk me into getting a Brazillian, but then I woke up. That would have been crazy!
I guess you could tip your hat to my refusal to "maintain" my lady parts to laziness and being freaked out. No one is going to see my vag but me, so I really have no need to do anything with it, other than, of course, wash it.
Plus, I give the side eye to women that want a 2 year old looking jayjay and I give the arm fold eye roll to men who like them too. Why? Um...I'm sure you've seen enough Law and Order SVU episodes to guess.
So, not taking my editor's advice, I'm keeping my vag as is because it's mine and I can. I hit puberty at 12 and have NO desire to go back in time.

YUCK!

So, I can hear my roommate having sex right now.
YUCK!
I have put on my headphones but, during the split second it takes for the playlist to go to the next song, I can hear one of her moans.
Excuse me as I roll over in a hole and die. GROSS!
Luckily, when I was in school, I was spared the whole sex/ roommate thing. We couldn't have visitors Freshman year, my Sophomore roomie was a lesbian that had a girlfriend off campus, my roomie junior year had a boyfriend back home and would fly home stand by once a month to go visit, and my roomie senior year spent all of her time out of the room because I was a terrible roommate (story for another post, another time).
I think God spared me because he knew how grossed and weirded out I would be if I heard anytype of questionable noise going on in my room outside of a snore.
And now this.
Tis are the joys of living with someone else in their house, particularly someone who largely doesn't give a fuck.
Eyeroll. Ewwwww....

Who is Peggy Moffitt?

Vintage Virgin, a vintage clothing fashion blogger, said that she draws inspiration from Peggy

Moffitt. I didn't know who she was, and then I found this cool video.

What is a Feminist?

I consider myself to be a feminist, which is interesting, because Kinfolk informed me yesterday that a feminist is simply an angry lesbian that can not get a date. So if you were ever wondering what a feminist was exactly, lol, here is your definition, courtesy of Kinfolk.

Tippity Toe

So last year before all of my dating dramatics, I joined a dating site for fatties.
I know, it sounds silly, but I had to find my niche, you know? And although I do not go on the site often, I get email updates that tell me that men have favorited my profile. This makes me smile.
And it makes me think that maybe it is time to fully put the tragic examples of Boy I Went On Date With and FauxMega behind me and tippity toe back onto the dating scene. I know that I said that I sworn off men. And I did. But summer is a comin' around the corner, and, due to the sales I have taken advantage of, I will be looking my most devastating in new maxi dresses. I will also be at my most horniest, so yes, bring on the boys (I kid, I kid...I think).
Surfing the fatty site, I get excited. It's like shopping for new shoes! All of these single men with their gross topless bathroom pics and cheesy "About Me" section taglines. I get getty just thinking about it! Yes, it is now time to cautiously yet happily tippity toe back onto to the scene.