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The Bible Theory

In the Sex In The City movie, Sarah Jessica Parker told Jennifer Hudson's character that your 30s are for the hard lessons. Carrie girl, you ain't never lied! Through talking to my friends, there are some lessons being learned out here in these streets that are outright BRUTAL. In my life, the lessons over the past years have been downright DEVASTATING. But every now and then, you like to hear about someone else's screw ups to make you feel a little better about your own.

I talked to my friend Amelia who informed me that her college ex recently got divorced 😞 It seems that he cheated on his wife, who now gets Juanita Jordan level alimony from him😍 I was never the biggest fan of this guy. He has always been mildly douchey. But I was happy to hear that he was learning one of those killer 30s lessons: it's cheaper to keep her. However, what was even more interesting about this story was Amelia's take on it all.  

"His ex-wife is Christian, and I know that it is wrong that he cheated on her, but in The Bible, men had like ten wives at a time. Men fell in love many times and had many women and everything was all good. I'm just saying."

Oh no. My friend has become one of those girls. 

I don't know where I fall on the Christianity scale. I believe that there is a God, but I hate waking up early on Sundays. Yet it never ceases to amaze me how people will use The Bible to justify any and everything. First, it was slavery, not it's group relationships! 

I do not believe that God would want you to allow yourself to be disrespected to fulfill some dude's misogynistic fantasy of having a whole bunch of women at his beck and call. Furthermore, we as women can not drink this Kook-Aid that He would. We all have to be in one accord on this before we all wake up one day as sisterwives, wondering how we go to this place. I believe that there is one person for everybody, and when you find them, appreciate it, and demonstrate a little friggin' self-control and try to be committed! Because a lesson that I have learned in my 30s with men is this: you better stand firm on your morals with them. Letting silly stuff slide like cheating makes it hard for the next woman to have a committed relationship. We can not settle for less, for ourselves, and for the next sister's sake. 

I explained this to Amelia and she said that she agrees, although I don't see how you can fall on both sides of the fence with this. One of those lessons that you probably learned in middle school applies: stand for something or fall for anything. A least stand for respecting yourself and knowing your worth. I know, easier said than done. Let's work on it together. 

Sickles Goes Farming

I don't know if any of you remember Sickles. He was a guy I met a little over four years ago and, since then, we have been in a non-serious renothingship. Once upon a time, I thought that we could potentially be going somewhere. Then he stopped talking to me for a year and popped up randomly to let me know that a woman he was seeing had just given birth to his son. Again, I had imagined that I was on my way somewhere special with a man while he, apparently, was on his way to the maternity ward.
Since then, he texts me quarterly just to make sure that I am still single so he can keep me on his list of backup girls. Like a fool, I always respond to his romantic texts, which usually say something like, "Hey, you don't have kids now do you?" I know, I should let this guy go, but I like the twinkle of attention that I get from him, seeing that my platonic male friends have friend dumped me because of how needy I am. That's another post.
Anywho, he texted me this quarter to let me know that he is going to be living on a farm in California for a month. I was sad, thinking that "farm" was some euphemism for jail. But it really is a farm where he will be learning new and innovative farming technology.
My excitement for his news was very quickly followed by my hater voice. How was Sickles making more career moves than me? Not that I want to live on a farm, but this is a guy that has beat more possession charges than Gucci Mane!
He said that he fully expects his time on the farm to be a life-changing experience; an adventure. Now I am really jealous. Am I the only one out there that wants an adventure? I see all of you on Instagram, taking pictures of your feet on the beach, and that seems cool, but I mean a real adventure; something that changes your life for the better. Something that gives you new, fresh perspective. At the risk of sounding optimistic, I think that something like that could totally change my trajectory.
Sickles leaves in September. I told him to bring me something that he grew. He won't. Hopefully, when he checks in around Thanksgiving, I will have something exciting to share with him.

Level 0

My girl Roma was updating me about her life, and she said that she talks to our mutual friend, Jamaica, on a regular basis. This made my eyebrow raise, seeing that I am hard pressed to get Jamaica on the phone, and further satisfied a suspicion that I had that she has been avoiding me.
I think it best that I remind you all, before I go on, that I have a habit of taking clues that may not exist to solve issues that aren't real. I make things up in my head and run with them, especially in regards to my friends, because I am insecure, especially when it comes to my friendships. I know, I know, it's not an attractive quality.
One of my insecurities stems from not being where I want to be financially in life. Friends like Roma and Jamaica are stacking paper over my head by leaps and bounds. When I heard that Roma and Jamaica were in touch, I assumed that this is why. As silly as it may sound, you get hip to the way that people view you, for real, when you are broke, especially as broke as me.
People do not take brokeness well. They treat it sort of like a deadly flu they can catch from something as small as just hearing about your financial issues. There are also sub-issues that travel with brokeness, such as sadness, depression, anger, and self-pity. Low and behold, I suffer from ALL of these illnesses! Understandably, this makes me self-conscious, especially when interacting with my richy rich friends.
If you have lived a somewhat full life with females as friends, you should know by now that there are levels to friendships. I fear that for some, including Jamaica, that know what I have been through, I have plummeted to level 0. And I get it, like attracts like. I have always said that if I ever lose weight that I will dump my old, supportive friends that love me for superficial ones.
I digress.
As my friend talked, I used my Ghost Writer skills to put together a quick case. There could be a number of reasons that I have not heard from Jamaica. She has a high-pressure job; she could be busy. She has just moved; she may be tired. This made me feel better until I remembered that Roma had just told me that she and Jamaica talk all the time.
Before you ask yes, I am aware of how childish this is. There is no real proof, other than my emotions, that any of this is real. But to be honest, I have been waiting on Jamaica to friend dump me for some time. Brokeness is also the trigger for strife and negativeness. These are things that I suffer from that we ALL know are contagious.
As Roma spoke, I kicked myself for being so needy and emo. But, as needy and as emo as I often am, I am also often right. Call me psychic.

IT is coming!

When I heard that there was going to be a remake of the movie IT, I have to tell you, I was STOKED! This would be funny to my childhood friends, who can tell you that this movie scared the pants off of me when I was younger. It also is the reason behind my fear of clowns.
 I am eager to see how much scarier this movie is going to be with all of the up-to-date special effects. I can't wait until Sept. 1! 

For more info on IT, click here.  

The Backup Plan

I had dinner with a girlfriend last week that I have not seen since high school. It always causes me anxiety to meet up with someone that I haven't seen in a while, but just as I'd hoped, she was just as sweet and as nice as I remember her being. Over appetizers, she updated me on her relationship and told me about she and her man's life plan. It was really impressive. It was practical, but involved room for moving and going back to school. I mean, it was really grown-up.
"Yeah, but if it doesn't work out the way I want it to, I have a backup plan." Spoiler alert: the backup plan doesn't involve him.
Upon hearing this, I have to admit, I thought that this was cold-blooded. I mean, this guy is walking a path, thinking you are fully walking it with him, yet all the while, you have a plan B that you are ready to activate at any moment.
But, upon further thought, I realized that having a backup plan, especially as a woman in the world, is smart! Being ready for the worst or for a turn of events has been a secret in the Woman Survival Kit since the beginning of time. It is only these new-age "ride or die chicks" that have made it fashionable to want to go down in flames with a man.
For example, you probably walked in on your granny back in the day putting money under the mattress or in a cookie jar when you knew for sure that she and your grandpa had a checking account.
"Every little bit counts," she would say. Only, you were too young to understand what that money counted towards. More than likely, it was just-in-case change in the event that granddaddy got laid off or ran off with a hoochie.
A more current phenom is women keeping their apartments after they move in with their partner. They keep up with the rent, even if they can't afford the utilities, just in case they have to bounce.
Even though the female backup plan is not new, we don't openly discuss it with our daughters and the young women in our lives. Unfortunately, creating a backup plan comes from learning from experience or going with a gut feeling to do so. I am seeing now that it is a good idea, not just in relationships, but in everyday life.
I wish I would have had the sense to have backup plans in my personal life. Every job I have had, I have been hopelessly devoted to. Little did I know, my employers had a backup plan for me, and many a time I have found myself out on my tush, which is not a warm, safe, or comforting place to be. If only I'd had some spare rent in my cookie jar or some ideas on where to go from the bottom, not every disaster in my life would have had to cause me to start completely over.
Lesson learned.
Here's to the three dollars I am putting aside in a Pringle's can. Today it is change, but tomorrow, it could be my livelihood.

The Friendtervention: How To Get A Man

At times I do get lonely and wish that I had a boyfriend. There, I said it. But I am 32-years-old and I refuse to go on any dating apps or put on a mini dress and hang out outside of the men's room, so the chips are going to have to fall where they may. Over the years, I have become extremely relaxed when it comes to "finding" a man. Call me a product of the Disney generation, but I just figure that one will pop up when he is supposed to. My old roommate from college had no problem with telling me that this is a joke and, over the phone, performed a mild friendtervention.

"Holly, you are in Atlanta, the Mecca. There is no reason why you should not have a man!" she said. This made me laugh. Women who are not from Atlanta always say crazy stuff like this.
"So what do you suggest I do?" I asked sarcastically. Little did I know, she actually had some ideas.
"The first thing that you need to do is get your hair flat ironed. Men like long hair." I shook my head no silently as she spoke. She went on to say that my afro was big, so my hair would probably be really long. She also said that straightening my hair would show men that I "take myself seriously."
The next thing that she suggested that I do was start wearing false lashes. Sigh. I have no desire to put anything false near my eyeballs. I know that false lashes are popular. I mean, come on, I live in
Atlanta, which I bet you dollars to donuts is the fake lashes capital. Some look nice, but I have also known lash victims personally who are currently living devoid of their natural lashes with scarred eyelids damaged by cheap lash glue. But, according to my friend, men don't want a woman who doesn't have falsies.
Now, the last thing that she suggested made me laugh. She said that I should get a microdermabrasion. "Are you telling me that there are men out there that are refusing to date women because they don't get microdermabrasions?" I demanded.
She said no. But that I needed to get my face peeled off because the procedure would make my complexion brighter.
I could tell that she really believed in these steps, so I decided not to make any smart remarks. However, I did talk to a colleague the next day and, to my surprise, she was in agreement with these "steps".
"Are you serious?!" I exclaimed.
"Listen, men are visual creatures!" she defended.
Dear friends, I may be too far gone, because I have to be perfectly honest: I don't care what type of creatures men are. I asked both friends if they believed that the love of your life will find you, regardless of what you look like because you are meant to be. They both said no. Apparently, it all boils down to how you look. I hope that isn't the case, but if it is, I'm up shit's creek without a paddle. I don't put heat on my hair and my God-given itty bitty lashes will have to do. If that means I will have to single, oh well.
#2old2care