I was a little wary about traveling to Miami, primarily because of the city's reputation. All I ever heard about it was how hot the women there were, and I was not really in the mood to be the only chub surrounded by leggy Latin models. But I have to say, visiting the city was very freeing.
I mean yes, there were tons of hot ladies wondering around, but what struck me most was how comfy everyone was with their bodies. Sexy and not-so-sexy people alike walked the city street with no shame, flaunting their abs and bellies. People were over-tanned, under-toned, veiny, flabby, dimply, and very at ease. There was this "just do you" vibe in the air. People with saggy butts were walking around in thongs, and no one batted an eyelash. Amongst some of the most beautiful, and tacky, people in the world, I had never felt so relaxed!
For the first time in a long time I went to the beach and witnessed all walks of folks riding the waves. Men with hairy backs and low-riding guts, fit dudes in speedos, women with bright white freshly waxed bikini lines, little kids covered in sand. Sitting around the freaks and geeks my huge thighs didn't seem so huge.
I had never relaxed so hard. Even sleeping, I had a good time! I can not wait to visit again, next time with a motorbike and an English to Spanish dictionary.
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Sumo Plan
Yesterday, on the flight home from Miami, I was sooo tired that I could hardly keep my eyes open. Besides being fun, my two-week work trip to L.A. and Miami was unbelievably draining. For the first time ever, I did not try to start a conversation with my seat partner. Instead, I plugged my earphones into my armrest and listened to classic rock.
Although I was half asleep, I noticed that my seat partner, and older Dominican man, was smiling at me. Not a flirty smile, but a friendly smile. I smiled back but as I said, I was not interested in talking.
For a split second I took off my earphones to tell the flight attendant what drink I wanted. This was Mr. Dominican's cue to start talking. He told me that once upon a time he used to be fat, and that now he is 200 lbs. He asked me how much I weighed, and, hesitant not to be rude to an elder, I told him I didn't know, which I don't. He then went on to estimate that I was twice his size, so I must be 400lbs. He asked me how old I was. I told him, and he told me he was in his 60s.
Silly of me to think that that was the end of it. Mr. Dominican went on to school me on the history of sumo wrestling! Did you know that yes, sumo wrestlers are huge, but once they retire, they immediately go on a strict diet? Do you know why? Well, according to Mr. Dominican, it is for the same reason that he lost weight and why I should: to have a better quality of life.
"You are young. If you lose weight, you will have a better quality of life," he assured me, leaning in close. "What? You have never thought of losing the weight?"
I looked in the eyes of this adorable old man and did not see cruelty. Although he was annoying, rude, intrusive, and out of line, I could tell he was not being mean...just old. So I smiled and put my hand on his and said, "No disrespect, but I am tired, and I don't want to talk about this."
"Oh, Ok," said Mr. Dominican, and that was that. Usually, I try to entertain other people's fat facts, but yesterday I was just not in the mood. Only mildly annoyed by this man, I allowed the music of Genesis to rock me to the sleep the rest of the flight back to Atlanta.
Although I was half asleep, I noticed that my seat partner, and older Dominican man, was smiling at me. Not a flirty smile, but a friendly smile. I smiled back but as I said, I was not interested in talking.
For a split second I took off my earphones to tell the flight attendant what drink I wanted. This was Mr. Dominican's cue to start talking. He told me that once upon a time he used to be fat, and that now he is 200 lbs. He asked me how much I weighed, and, hesitant not to be rude to an elder, I told him I didn't know, which I don't. He then went on to estimate that I was twice his size, so I must be 400lbs. He asked me how old I was. I told him, and he told me he was in his 60s.
Silly of me to think that that was the end of it. Mr. Dominican went on to school me on the history of sumo wrestling! Did you know that yes, sumo wrestlers are huge, but once they retire, they immediately go on a strict diet? Do you know why? Well, according to Mr. Dominican, it is for the same reason that he lost weight and why I should: to have a better quality of life.
"You are young. If you lose weight, you will have a better quality of life," he assured me, leaning in close. "What? You have never thought of losing the weight?"
I looked in the eyes of this adorable old man and did not see cruelty. Although he was annoying, rude, intrusive, and out of line, I could tell he was not being mean...just old. So I smiled and put my hand on his and said, "No disrespect, but I am tired, and I don't want to talk about this."
"Oh, Ok," said Mr. Dominican, and that was that. Usually, I try to entertain other people's fat facts, but yesterday I was just not in the mood. Only mildly annoyed by this man, I allowed the music of Genesis to rock me to the sleep the rest of the flight back to Atlanta.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Yay L.A.! 2
In hindsight, I have to say, L.A. was L.A.
I saw Eva Pigford and The Dream having lunch. Everyone had on heels but no one could walk in them. The days were unrealistically long. Riding the city bus made my crotch itch. On many occasions I needed directions, but no one knew English. I have to say, a good time was had.
At one point I got lost in L.A. In a heavily populated Korean area, no one could help me. I had to wait ten minutes for the first Black pedestrian to point me in the right direction. I got to ride the train in L.A., which was, in short, gross. The man who sat in front of me was so funky that my temples began to pulsate. Once off of the train, no one would tell me which way to head in but homeless people who demanded a dollar after giving me vague directions. I complied of course, afraid one of them would stab me with an AIDS needle.
On my way to the festival, I got off the bus in this very dingy area. I was sitting at the bus stop for a minute and a half before I realized that I was in a prostitution hotspot. I have seen prostitutes in Atlanta, and I guess hoes are hoes across the globe, but these looked and seemed particularly...violent. I kept my head down and my mouth closed, which is hard for me.
Ahhh, L.A. I can not wait for next year!
I saw Eva Pigford and The Dream having lunch. Everyone had on heels but no one could walk in them. The days were unrealistically long. Riding the city bus made my crotch itch. On many occasions I needed directions, but no one knew English. I have to say, a good time was had.
At one point I got lost in L.A. In a heavily populated Korean area, no one could help me. I had to wait ten minutes for the first Black pedestrian to point me in the right direction. I got to ride the train in L.A., which was, in short, gross. The man who sat in front of me was so funky that my temples began to pulsate. Once off of the train, no one would tell me which way to head in but homeless people who demanded a dollar after giving me vague directions. I complied of course, afraid one of them would stab me with an AIDS needle.
On my way to the festival, I got off the bus in this very dingy area. I was sitting at the bus stop for a minute and a half before I realized that I was in a prostitution hotspot. I have seen prostitutes in Atlanta, and I guess hoes are hoes across the globe, but these looked and seemed particularly...violent. I kept my head down and my mouth closed, which is hard for me.
Ahhh, L.A. I can not wait for next year!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Yay L.A.!
So I am back to L.A. for this year's film festival. EXCITED! However, I have to say that I am annoyed by the Korean tourists in my hotel that look at me like I am the hugest person that they have ever seen, which may be true. When I get off the elevator, they stare at me with wide eyes and part like the Red Sea for me to pass by. They are speaking in a different language, but I know that they are commenting on me...because they are pointing! They were also watching me eat my cereal during breakfast. Tonight, when I go down to dinner, I am going to offer to let them squeeze my fat for a buck. I can use the extra dough.
Yesterday, when I was on the plane, I sat next to these cool drunk dudes from Louisiana. They slept for like 90% of the flight but when they woke up, they schooled me on The World Cup. Then, this random Hispanic older lady was walking to the bathroom, looked down at me, and tells me that she is "muy consada." I'm like, "I'm tired too" and she touched my face. Well, not so much touch, more like held. I know this sounds weird, but it felt nice. I thought she was going to kiss my forehead. She put me in mind of my grandma.
Yesterday, when I was on the plane, I sat next to these cool drunk dudes from Louisiana. They slept for like 90% of the flight but when they woke up, they schooled me on The World Cup. Then, this random Hispanic older lady was walking to the bathroom, looked down at me, and tells me that she is "muy consada." I'm like, "I'm tired too" and she touched my face. Well, not so much touch, more like held. I know this sounds weird, but it felt nice. I thought she was going to kiss my forehead. She put me in mind of my grandma.
Jamie Foxx
I have been fantasizing about Jamie Foxx for the past few days. It's funny, because I have never really been that into him. But I saw Any Given Sunday for the first time recently, and I must say, I was very impressed with his locker room speedo scenes.
The Burden of Memory
I got the opportunity to interview Pam Grier, and I asked her how she avoided being a bitter Black woman after many of her relationships failed miserably. And she said that she didn't think the term "bitter" was fair; that a woman would be bitter if she wasted time that she can not get back.
I think about these words every now and then, and they have been on replay in my mind for a few days. I have been thinking about how much time I have wasted on rethinking all the things that men have said to me that hurt. It doesn't matter how long ago what was said was said, I can see the scene in my head when they said and quote whatever lines they fed me word for word.
It's not fair. Men don't remember anything. They physically and mentally screw people and keep going. They recall nothing. The world is just there's to be had, any way they want it, and the women they interact with are just pawns in it.
Ms. Grier has real reasons to be bitter and told me not to be. That again, it wastes time. But the older I am getting, it is getting harder for me to see someone else's bullhoodle toward me as their issue and not mine. In turn, I can also feel the bitterness beginning to radiate from my head to my toes. I'm bitter that I am bitter and bitter that I let some man's words bitter me. If only I had Pam's state of mind...wish upon a star.
I think about these words every now and then, and they have been on replay in my mind for a few days. I have been thinking about how much time I have wasted on rethinking all the things that men have said to me that hurt. It doesn't matter how long ago what was said was said, I can see the scene in my head when they said and quote whatever lines they fed me word for word.
It's not fair. Men don't remember anything. They physically and mentally screw people and keep going. They recall nothing. The world is just there's to be had, any way they want it, and the women they interact with are just pawns in it.
Ms. Grier has real reasons to be bitter and told me not to be. That again, it wastes time. But the older I am getting, it is getting harder for me to see someone else's bullhoodle toward me as their issue and not mine. In turn, I can also feel the bitterness beginning to radiate from my head to my toes. I'm bitter that I am bitter and bitter that I let some man's words bitter me. If only I had Pam's state of mind...wish upon a star.
Embarrassed
P said some out of line shizzle to me not too long ago. I would tell you what he said, but I would be too ashamed, frankly.
Any way, I called him and talked to him about it yesterday after not talking to him for two weeks, and he told me that what he said was meant to be "light-hearted" and "if I took offense to it then that was just me."
I was numb. I didn't say anything...but this: "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at me for letting you get so comfortable with disrespecting me. If you ever say something to me like that again, we will not be cool, we will not be friends."
His response, "I don't respond to ultimatums."
Oh, so it's an ultimatum to show me some respect?!
After a friend called him and called him on it, he sent me a text, apologizing right before he brought up some off-hand example of me offending him. I personally don't believe that because I don't believe he can be offended.
The moral of the story: I am so embarrassed. I am embarrassed that I am hurt by the words of a man that doesn't give a shit, clearly. I am embarrassed that I am his friend after 19 years of watching my mother get disrespected. I am embarrassed that I am trying to justify his out-of-line words after seeing my friends and the women around me get disrespected. I am embarrassed that after 25 years of being stern on not disrespecting myself, I did so by letting him do it for me. I am embarrassed that I am even taking time to vent about this while he is probably going along with his day, not concerned.
Am I hurt? Yes. Hurt and confused. I don't get how I am thrown cruelty daily be strangers but somehow, his words always shatter the glass.
Brownie said let it burn and my girl said his friendship to me is poisonous. All I can say is, either way, I don't want to be my mom. Period.
Any way, I called him and talked to him about it yesterday after not talking to him for two weeks, and he told me that what he said was meant to be "light-hearted" and "if I took offense to it then that was just me."
I was numb. I didn't say anything...but this: "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at me for letting you get so comfortable with disrespecting me. If you ever say something to me like that again, we will not be cool, we will not be friends."
His response, "I don't respond to ultimatums."
Oh, so it's an ultimatum to show me some respect?!
After a friend called him and called him on it, he sent me a text, apologizing right before he brought up some off-hand example of me offending him. I personally don't believe that because I don't believe he can be offended.
The moral of the story: I am so embarrassed. I am embarrassed that I am hurt by the words of a man that doesn't give a shit, clearly. I am embarrassed that I am his friend after 19 years of watching my mother get disrespected. I am embarrassed that I am trying to justify his out-of-line words after seeing my friends and the women around me get disrespected. I am embarrassed that after 25 years of being stern on not disrespecting myself, I did so by letting him do it for me. I am embarrassed that I am even taking time to vent about this while he is probably going along with his day, not concerned.
Am I hurt? Yes. Hurt and confused. I don't get how I am thrown cruelty daily be strangers but somehow, his words always shatter the glass.
Brownie said let it burn and my girl said his friendship to me is poisonous. All I can say is, either way, I don't want to be my mom. Period.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Bad Communication
It's true! Brownie was telling the truth! If you ignore a boy, he will pay attention to you!
Case in point, Curious. I was just so tired of being the one reaching out to him all the time, you know the story. So Brownie told me to ignore him. I stopped answering his texts and didn't call.
Fast forward to yesterday. As I was baking chicken breasts, he calls me and demands to know why I have not been texting or calling him. I tell him straight up that I was tired of making all of the efforts and figured that when he wanted to hear from me, he would call. Brownie says I just should have told him I was busy, but I felt like the truth was in order. Curious said that wasn't cool, that that's "bad communication" and that he waits on me to call him because he figures I am busy. Whatever.
Then he goes on to tell me he is going back to school. Now, this was shocking, seeing that I have brought this topic up before and he crapped on it. Now, after a week of no convo, he is ready to get an education.
I hate playing games with folks, but this is one trick I am going to keep up my sleeve.
Case in point, Curious. I was just so tired of being the one reaching out to him all the time, you know the story. So Brownie told me to ignore him. I stopped answering his texts and didn't call.
Fast forward to yesterday. As I was baking chicken breasts, he calls me and demands to know why I have not been texting or calling him. I tell him straight up that I was tired of making all of the efforts and figured that when he wanted to hear from me, he would call. Brownie says I just should have told him I was busy, but I felt like the truth was in order. Curious said that wasn't cool, that that's "bad communication" and that he waits on me to call him because he figures I am busy. Whatever.
Then he goes on to tell me he is going back to school. Now, this was shocking, seeing that I have brought this topic up before and he crapped on it. Now, after a week of no convo, he is ready to get an education.
I hate playing games with folks, but this is one trick I am going to keep up my sleeve.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Tamp Stamped
Good news: I will soon be going to Miami! Bad news: I may have to wear a tampon.
Yikes! The idea gives me cramps! When I was in middle school, I attempted to wear one and in short, it was a complete disaster. Since then, I have flat out refused to try it again. What can I say? The whole idea creeps me out. Shoving a cotton stick up your vag? Call me old school, but I just can't wrap my mind around it.
My friend Jamaica thinks that I should grow up. "You are going to Miami! Are you really not going to get in the water just because you are on your period when you could just put on the damn tampon?"
Sounds about right.
"The day you put on a tampon will change your life. You will be like, give me my period all day and all night. One thing though: make sure you put it on as far as it will go or you will be able to feel it in you and that feels horrible."
I wanted to throw my phone across the room! Feel it in me?! Gross!
Waddles had a different idea. "Just go to the next pack." Apparently, she forgot that I am not on birth control.
Oh why oh why Period Gods do I have to get my period on the same week I am going to Miami?Why? You know that I have wanted to go ever since Will Smith made a song about it! Plus, I got this old lady swimsuit that I wanted to try on the waves. I've done my feet (which I hardly ever do). I'm ready! But unfortunately, whether I am on the waves or sitting up in my room looking at them is ALL dependent on whether I bite the bullet and plug it in.
This requires more thought, but I think we all know what direction I am leaning in. I mean, walking along the beach can be just as fun as going in the water...right?
Yikes! The idea gives me cramps! When I was in middle school, I attempted to wear one and in short, it was a complete disaster. Since then, I have flat out refused to try it again. What can I say? The whole idea creeps me out. Shoving a cotton stick up your vag? Call me old school, but I just can't wrap my mind around it.
My friend Jamaica thinks that I should grow up. "You are going to Miami! Are you really not going to get in the water just because you are on your period when you could just put on the damn tampon?"
Sounds about right.
"The day you put on a tampon will change your life. You will be like, give me my period all day and all night. One thing though: make sure you put it on as far as it will go or you will be able to feel it in you and that feels horrible."
I wanted to throw my phone across the room! Feel it in me?! Gross!
Waddles had a different idea. "Just go to the next pack." Apparently, she forgot that I am not on birth control.
Oh why oh why Period Gods do I have to get my period on the same week I am going to Miami?Why? You know that I have wanted to go ever since Will Smith made a song about it! Plus, I got this old lady swimsuit that I wanted to try on the waves. I've done my feet (which I hardly ever do). I'm ready! But unfortunately, whether I am on the waves or sitting up in my room looking at them is ALL dependent on whether I bite the bullet and plug it in.
This requires more thought, but I think we all know what direction I am leaning in. I mean, walking along the beach can be just as fun as going in the water...right?
Holly and the Harveys
The other day I got the opportunity to interview Steve Harvey's daughters, Brandi and Kiley. They have an organization called Young, Fit,and Fly where they educate young women on health. They schooled me to some real talk that I thought that I would share.
Look Good: No really, always look your best. People judge you when you do and especially when you don't so step up your appearance game. Although this may sound vain, just think about the opportunities you may be missing out on by not being cute. Unfortunately, this is the way it is. Why not put on some lipgloss if it will get you that job...or that man.
Have Confidence: Now this one is hard because I have found that, even though I have confidence on the inside, it doesn't always radiate on the outside. Your presence should be demanding. You should turn heads when you walk into the room. The friggin' atmosphere should change when you roll passed. Yes, you should be that fly.
Be A Lady: Plain and simple. Talk like one, look like one, act like one. You will find that when you are a lady, you will attract a man, not a boy or worse, a complete loser that tries to talk to you out of the window of a moving car.
Don't Be Afraid to be a Snob: Have high standards. Demand that men meet those standards.
Do not settle for less. Be choosy about who you associate with. And if by doing this people think you are snobby, who cares? Do not allow yourself to be disrespected. Always keep the bar high.
I know that these are some basic tips, but it meant a lot to me hearing these seemingly elementary tips from women who are where I want to be in life and who go by these rules and have seen the fruits of following them. So yes, this is Girl 101, but sometimes we have to be reminded. I am going to try these rules, seriously, for a month. I will let you know if I notice a change.
Look Good: No really, always look your best. People judge you when you do and especially when you don't so step up your appearance game. Although this may sound vain, just think about the opportunities you may be missing out on by not being cute. Unfortunately, this is the way it is. Why not put on some lipgloss if it will get you that job...or that man.
Have Confidence: Now this one is hard because I have found that, even though I have confidence on the inside, it doesn't always radiate on the outside. Your presence should be demanding. You should turn heads when you walk into the room. The friggin' atmosphere should change when you roll passed. Yes, you should be that fly.
Be A Lady: Plain and simple. Talk like one, look like one, act like one. You will find that when you are a lady, you will attract a man, not a boy or worse, a complete loser that tries to talk to you out of the window of a moving car.
Don't Be Afraid to be a Snob: Have high standards. Demand that men meet those standards.
Do not settle for less. Be choosy about who you associate with. And if by doing this people think you are snobby, who cares? Do not allow yourself to be disrespected. Always keep the bar high.
I know that these are some basic tips, but it meant a lot to me hearing these seemingly elementary tips from women who are where I want to be in life and who go by these rules and have seen the fruits of following them. So yes, this is Girl 101, but sometimes we have to be reminded. I am going to try these rules, seriously, for a month. I will let you know if I notice a change.
Travel Time!
OK, faithful readers, I will be traveling again soon so you know your duties: pray that I don't have any plane dramas and that I sit next to a nice person. I know that I solicit prayer from ya'll a lot, especially on this topic, and I promise I will soon put you all on payroll, but until then, say a few words for me. Squeeze me in somewhere inbetween your families and money. I 'preciate ya!
I know that I am inexperienced, but aren't boys supposed to court girls? I mean, isn't that the way it was originally?
I ask this question because of my dealings with Curious. He will text me, asking if I am busy. I will say no, and then he will be like, OK, call me. Call you? I thought I was the girl! And although I always thought that I would enjoy a chase or a man that was a bit wimpy, I have to say that I am not only turned off by this, but also COMPLETELY unimpressed.
Some things that I have learned 6 months into being 25: I don't want to chase a guy, I want a guy to chase me. I don't want to be treated as a guy's equal, I want to be treated better than him. Despite my strong will, I no longer want to be a guy. I want the guy to be a guy...without being overpowering.
I know that this may be common sense to most of you, but you have NO IDEA how many idiots I have dealt with, since my first day as a freshman in college to today, to get to this conclusion. Knowing what I know now, I ALMOST don't feel completely relationship hopeless and handicapped. Now the only thing is finding out what I need to change about myself to attract a man that is...a man. Not some guy that wants to call me in hopes of free dinners and phone sex. When I figure this out and implement it, I will let you know how it goes.
I ask this question because of my dealings with Curious. He will text me, asking if I am busy. I will say no, and then he will be like, OK, call me. Call you? I thought I was the girl! And although I always thought that I would enjoy a chase or a man that was a bit wimpy, I have to say that I am not only turned off by this, but also COMPLETELY unimpressed.
Some things that I have learned 6 months into being 25: I don't want to chase a guy, I want a guy to chase me. I don't want to be treated as a guy's equal, I want to be treated better than him. Despite my strong will, I no longer want to be a guy. I want the guy to be a guy...without being overpowering.
I know that this may be common sense to most of you, but you have NO IDEA how many idiots I have dealt with, since my first day as a freshman in college to today, to get to this conclusion. Knowing what I know now, I ALMOST don't feel completely relationship hopeless and handicapped. Now the only thing is finding out what I need to change about myself to attract a man that is...a man. Not some guy that wants to call me in hopes of free dinners and phone sex. When I figure this out and implement it, I will let you know how it goes.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
The Lonely Journey
As you all know, I have started attending church. But as with everything in my life, there is drama associated with it.
Point blank, my family hates me going. Why? Well, besides them being joy-suckers, they hate it because it is a non-denomination church and we are United Methodists. OK. But the funny part is that we have not stepped foot in a Methodist church in God knows how long! I just got tired of feeling crappy and bad all the time and started going to church. Plain and simple. You might as well have told my Mom and Aunt that I had started worshipping The Devil!
This annoys me. And it shouldn't because I am 25 and can do whatever I want, clearly. But I have tried to get my siblings involved and that didn't work. My sister rather go to the Kingdom Hall with her little homie (which my mom thinks is cool), my brother Cass is going through is own little baby religious awakening/questioning on his own, and my brother Anthony just doesn't want to wake-up early enough to get dressed to go! As you all know, I can not drive, so my Aunt drops me off on Sunday, equipped with an attitude and a sour face. My mom makes jokes about it. Just yesterday she told me she was going to tell my Uncle Henry on me, you know, the United Methodist minister?
This also makes me sad. And not just because I feel like those closest to me should be happy for me, but have instead chosen to shit on my happiness. That is an everyday thing. It makes me sad that I find happiness and peace at this church and my family wants no part of something positive that I feel is changing my life for the better. I go to church and see families and couples and groups of friends coming to worship. I feel sad because I have to embark on this journey, this important part of my life, alone. I guess I am just going to have to shrug this off and keep trekkin'. It's one of those times where you just have to know what you are doing is right for you and keep on keepin' on. I just wish I didn't have to trek on my own.
Point blank, my family hates me going. Why? Well, besides them being joy-suckers, they hate it because it is a non-denomination church and we are United Methodists. OK. But the funny part is that we have not stepped foot in a Methodist church in God knows how long! I just got tired of feeling crappy and bad all the time and started going to church. Plain and simple. You might as well have told my Mom and Aunt that I had started worshipping The Devil!
This annoys me. And it shouldn't because I am 25 and can do whatever I want, clearly. But I have tried to get my siblings involved and that didn't work. My sister rather go to the Kingdom Hall with her little homie (which my mom thinks is cool), my brother Cass is going through is own little baby religious awakening/questioning on his own, and my brother Anthony just doesn't want to wake-up early enough to get dressed to go! As you all know, I can not drive, so my Aunt drops me off on Sunday, equipped with an attitude and a sour face. My mom makes jokes about it. Just yesterday she told me she was going to tell my Uncle Henry on me, you know, the United Methodist minister?
This also makes me sad. And not just because I feel like those closest to me should be happy for me, but have instead chosen to shit on my happiness. That is an everyday thing. It makes me sad that I find happiness and peace at this church and my family wants no part of something positive that I feel is changing my life for the better. I go to church and see families and couples and groups of friends coming to worship. I feel sad because I have to embark on this journey, this important part of my life, alone. I guess I am just going to have to shrug this off and keep trekkin'. It's one of those times where you just have to know what you are doing is right for you and keep on keepin' on. I just wish I didn't have to trek on my own.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Um...no thank you.
OK, so today I was in the mall food court. I decided to get a Chic-Fil-A milkshake before heading downstairs to utilize my Lane Bryant coupons. Well, to get to The Chick I have to pass this Chinese food restaurant, you know, the kind that has the specials for like three or four meats with a side?
So anywho, I'm walking, looking fab in an adorable summer dress, when the kid working at the Chinese spot offers me a sample. I shake my head 'no' with an Oreo milkshake on the
mind. Well, of course, that can't be right, a fat girl declining a sample. So he goes, "Try a sample?"and I am like, "Um...no thank you." He is like, "No, a sample," just in case I misunderstood. It was clear he had trouble believing that a gal my size would be declining free sweet meat on a toothpick. I shake my head no, and get in line at The Chic, only to turn around and see this kid right next to me, a tray of cocktail chicken strapped to his waist. "Sample," he says flatly, pointing the chicken square in my face. I snatch it out of his hand and eat it to avoid a scene, thinking that would satisfy his need for me to try is food, when he then starts rattling off the menu in The Chick line! "You can get three meats. Why are you over here? You can get three meats."
Luckily, his manager shouted for him to go back to his post. I calmly ordered my milkshake then continued my mission to The Lane. I went in the opposite direction, just in case he was thinking about chasing me down.
So anywho, I'm walking, looking fab in an adorable summer dress, when the kid working at the Chinese spot offers me a sample. I shake my head 'no' with an Oreo milkshake on the
mind. Well, of course, that can't be right, a fat girl declining a sample. So he goes, "Try a sample?"and I am like, "Um...no thank you." He is like, "No, a sample," just in case I misunderstood. It was clear he had trouble believing that a gal my size would be declining free sweet meat on a toothpick. I shake my head no, and get in line at The Chic, only to turn around and see this kid right next to me, a tray of cocktail chicken strapped to his waist. "Sample," he says flatly, pointing the chicken square in my face. I snatch it out of his hand and eat it to avoid a scene, thinking that would satisfy his need for me to try is food, when he then starts rattling off the menu in The Chick line! "You can get three meats. Why are you over here? You can get three meats."Luckily, his manager shouted for him to go back to his post. I calmly ordered my milkshake then continued my mission to The Lane. I went in the opposite direction, just in case he was thinking about chasing me down.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Tired of the BS: A Tribute To Cindy
I am tired of the BS.
It flows from your mouth
and falls limp at my feet,
tired and useless.
Climbing up my ankles and past
my knees, thick like clay
until I have to shovel it
over my shoulders
to see the real you.
I am so tired of the BS.
It is so familiar to me
that it feels like I wear it,
laid out for dressin'
with my bra and shoes,
yet it has no functional purpose.
It is like I hear it so
much-
same tone, same man,
that everyday feels like
Deja Vu.
Haven't I been here before?
Wrapped up in someone
else assumptions and
supposed sweet talk?
I have tried everything.
I roll my eyes at it.
Laugh at it.
Turn my back to it.
Ignore it.
But it just lies there
feeling obligated -
like I should care!
Meaningless and empty,
just as sorry as him.
It flows from your mouth
and falls limp at my feet,
tired and useless.
Climbing up my ankles and past
my knees, thick like clay
until I have to shovel it
over my shoulders
to see the real you.
I am so tired of the BS.
It is so familiar to me
that it feels like I wear it,
laid out for dressin'
with my bra and shoes,
yet it has no functional purpose.
It is like I hear it so
much-
same tone, same man,
that everyday feels like
Deja Vu.
Haven't I been here before?
Wrapped up in someone
else assumptions and
supposed sweet talk?
I have tried everything.
I roll my eyes at it.
Laugh at it.
Turn my back to it.
Ignore it.
But it just lies there
feeling obligated -
like I should care!
Meaningless and empty,
just as sorry as him.
Playing Games
The other night Brownie and I decided catch up on our beau dramas. I told him about the Curious Clusterfuck and he schooled me to some game...about games.
I will not attempt to quote him, for his wording was too genius. But basically, he evaluated my timeline. I was really into Curious once upon a time, and he vanished. Years later, I run into Sorta Beau and I am super smitten. Curious is furthest from my mind and pops back up, riding me hella tough. I ignore him because I am sooo into Sorta. Sorta then starts to back up. I then turn to Curious, and the less I call him the more he is buggin'. Return his "interest" and he starts acting funny. The moral of the story: the more interested I am the less they are, even if they initiated the feelings. The solution: act like I don't like them when I do so they can stay on my jock.
Here is the thing: I do not like games...of any kind. Checkers, Uno, nothing! I have always wanted my game to be the anti-game. I like you, I tell you, and if you like me, we move forward. Why should I have to waist the rest of my precious 20s playing double dutch with these clowns?! What ever happened to just being honest and upfront?
Apparently, according to Brownie, those are two qualities that games don't have. However, I always have the option to not play, and just be left out, like in middle school softball. So do I want to be stupid and play or have my integrity intact and sit out, again, like in middle school? I'm not sure. I feel like I am too old to be involved in this rig-a-maroo. However, I do know that in middle school, I always felt lonely reading my Christopher Pike novel while everyone else was having so much fun, even those that got hit in the head with the ball.
I will not attempt to quote him, for his wording was too genius. But basically, he evaluated my timeline. I was really into Curious once upon a time, and he vanished. Years later, I run into Sorta Beau and I am super smitten. Curious is furthest from my mind and pops back up, riding me hella tough. I ignore him because I am sooo into Sorta. Sorta then starts to back up. I then turn to Curious, and the less I call him the more he is buggin'. Return his "interest" and he starts acting funny. The moral of the story: the more interested I am the less they are, even if they initiated the feelings. The solution: act like I don't like them when I do so they can stay on my jock.
Here is the thing: I do not like games...of any kind. Checkers, Uno, nothing! I have always wanted my game to be the anti-game. I like you, I tell you, and if you like me, we move forward. Why should I have to waist the rest of my precious 20s playing double dutch with these clowns?! What ever happened to just being honest and upfront?
Apparently, according to Brownie, those are two qualities that games don't have. However, I always have the option to not play, and just be left out, like in middle school softball. So do I want to be stupid and play or have my integrity intact and sit out, again, like in middle school? I'm not sure. I feel like I am too old to be involved in this rig-a-maroo. However, I do know that in middle school, I always felt lonely reading my Christopher Pike novel while everyone else was having so much fun, even those that got hit in the head with the ball.
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