Raw and Vegan

So earlier this week, Dorothy came to visit me, and, to say that she has a STRICT diet is putting it mildly. This year, I am not going to make any resolutions because I will definitely break them. But I do want to start eating better. So, I went with her to a raw food restaurant. That is basically raw food dressed up to look like regular food. I have to say, the raw lasagna was cool and so were the nachos, but the raw pancakes were a complete bust! They tasted like wet paper. But my favorite of all the meals was the vegan lasagna, mac and cheese, and broccoli that we got from this vegan spot downtown. It was rich and yummy, even though Dorothy said that I only like it because of the noodles. True dat, I do like noodles. Hopefully that last week of eating will point me in the right direction f0r the upcoming year.

New Years!

It is New Year's Eve, and I wish I could report that I was going out with a really hot African model to a really swanky restaurant in a really posh part of town. However, thus is not the case. Yet, by no means do I plan on having a crappy New Year's. Today, my friend AJ, who is in town from St. Louis, is coming over to show me her brand spankin' new baby, and Dorothy will be back over tonight to hang with me. I totally plan on having some black eyed peas and rice already made. Sounds boring I know, but my New Year's Eve is going to be what I hope my New Year in general is: chill.

Underprivileged

It is the end of the month and I am having the SAME end of the month money dramas. After paying all the essentials (phone bill, rent, etc) I rarely have enough money for food for the rest of the month. So, after sitting in my room starving for a few hours, I called my friend, and she suggested I call a church or something and see if they had some food.

So I was directed to this church in my town to go get a box of non-perishables. I look them up online to get the address, and I read there mission statement, which said something about helping the underprivileged.

YIKES! I'm underprivileged? I knew I was broke, but underprivileged? Now that I think about it, what else do you call a person that can't afford to eat? But that word is so...ugly. I have an $80,000 education, and I am underprivileged...and employed?! How the Hell did this happen?

If you need to reach me today, you can find me in my local community bread line, pushing my fellow underprivileged folk out of the way for the last can of Progresso. I need a PT gig...or a sugar daddy, which ever comes first.

The Dress

OK, I am going to a party that's coming up soon and I wanted to wear this dress. I really like it, but I feel like it is WAY to short. I have tried it on for the roomies, and they like it too. Sure, I am going to pair it with a cute clutch, a jacket, stockings,a cute pair of flats, and the inevitable girdle, but the length still bothers me a bit. Lauren told me not to wear it if I wasn't going to own it, but my other go-to black dress has seen better days. Your thoughts? Oh, and please excuse my sloppy room.

Yay!

Thank you for reading my posts for this past two years! Yippee!

Stevie Nicks - Making up close-up

I really like Stevie Nicks. I found this Youtube video of her
putting on make-up and discussing it in the '70s.

My Birthday!

Feef and her little boy took me to Moe's for some KILLER nachoes. This is them being goofy.

So, my friend Tiff from college came over as well. She treated me to dinner at Popeye's. What big girl do you know that can say no to a 3-piece dinner?

So, my friends didn't have any money to get me a cake, so they made me one out of connecting Swiss Rolls together and putting candles on top. We washed down the Swiss Roll cake with some AMAZING grocery store wine. LOL, we've got real class! It was so fun!

Hello All!

I write to you this evening from Vista Verde Ranch in Steamboat Springs, CO!

Unfortunately, I don't have any cell phone reception up hear, but, after a TURBULENT plane ride (which I will elaborate on later, lol) I am happy to be cozy in such awesome surroundings! Gotta run to dinner, but I will totally catch up later!

Thanks Ya'll

I am going out of town tomorrow, and I am pretty sure you all know the drill.
Please pray that I don't have any flight drama, that I sit next to someone nice, and that I have safe travels. Thanks ya'll so muchy!

Les Nubians - Makeda

I woke up this morning wanting to be in New Orleans.

Ho No!

What is being a ho exactly? Is it just something that boys and conservatives created to make women resent their sexuality? Is it what you do or is it how you feel? I ask this because I have recently made two new gal pals. We shall call them...um...Swisha and Sweet. During a convo we recently had, this topic was on the table.
Let me set the scene...we were drinking, lol, drikin' and chattin,' when Sweet says that you are a ho if you have slept with as many people as your age. She has not done that yet...but she is close. She is 25. Let's say that she has been having sex since she was about 19. I didn't get the feeling that she was too proud about this, but just statin' the facts.
Then there was Swisha, a go-getter, who has no problem asking or reaching for what she wants...even if it is a penis. She is a self admitted nempho that has admittedly had sex with dudes in relationships. She's had her weeks when she has done different dudes throughout the week. Whatever. She likes sex, so what? Unlike other girls like her I have met, she is completely capable of being in a relationship and staying faithful. No prob. But when it's over, it's over, and she is back on the market. Now, she will not have sex with just anyone. I got the feeling most of these dudes were friends. If you ask her for sex, she will say no. But, admittedly, if you ask her enough, she will cave if she likes you. I found her candidness, dare I say, liberating?
Now, to many of you reading, you would identify these women as hoes, eventhough you do not know them. But Sweet said something interesting: "I guess I have done some ho stuff, been with a lot of dudes, but I don't feel like one."
Hm.
Shouldn't it always be about what you feel about yourself? Like, if Sweet had done 5000 dudes, shouldn't that be fine if she didn't feel bad about it? Would you say that Swisha is a ho because she doesn't feel bad about her encounters? Is the remedy for being a ho having regrets or showing remorse?
I was once guilty of this type of thinking. But I have realized something over the past few months...I am grown! My friends are grown. Sometimes grown people get horny and have sex with men they don't like or necessarily know, and that has to be OK. I am not saying that we should chuck morality to the dogs, but shouldn't morality, much like being a ho, be in the eyes of the beholder?

Winter Man

No gifts under the tree for me this year everybody. All I really want is a Winter Man.
I am cold. I am lonely. My self esteem is pretty much depleted. And most horrifically, I am broke. I want a nice guy that I can snugglebug with for the season that wouldn't mind coming to visit me...a Papa John's box in hand. And we would only have good clean fun, consisting of him telling me shirtless how smart and pretty and desirable I am. Ugh! My mouth is watering!
I know, I know, I have to tread lightly here. Last time I went fishing for guys, I got a a dude who went back to his girl and an asshole. A very attractive asshole. And yes, I am aware that it was not that long ago that I told you all that I was swearing off men. But I want some attention! Some clean, sweet, kind, no expectations of nastiness attached attention! And I really want to go see Black Swan, so if I could find a boy today and be at the theatre tomorrow, that would be awesome.
Everyone cross your fingers!

Shanice - I Love Your Smile 1991 PV

Minute Man Motions

I was recently at an event with some girlfriends of mine, just chatting, when one of my close homies told me that she had sex with her long distance beau and he came too quick, thus she is dumping him.
Out of the other young women in the conversation, I was the only one that was TOTALLY alarmed by this. What could my homie do with a man that would come quick, as if he didn't have any other good qualities (such as staying faithful thousands of miles away)?
My friend's beau is a really nice guy that thinks the world of her. You can see it in the way he looks at her. But now, because of this oopsie daisy that happened only once in their whole relationship, he has got to go! He has a career in the arts, one that we all thought was really cool. Now, thanks for this minor love making hick up, he is sorry and unemployed and totally out of the running of being my homie's next top dude.
I was the only virgin in this group, which may be why I saw things so differently, but it seems silly to me to toss an otherwise good man because of sex. Not saying that sex is not big and isn't important, but it can't be the biggest or most important or I dare say that that is not a relationship at all. My friends were so adamant about her dropping this dude. I really could not believe it.
I looked at the young Black women around me and shook my head. If sex is a deal breaker, and in some cases not even unemployment and domestic violence, is this why so many older Black women are alone? I mean, these sistahs were serious! There was no changing their mind on this. Are our priorities this jacked from jump?
Maybe their thinking was a result of them being young and horny. Let's hope so. For I would hate to these beautiful, successful women alone years from now, clinging to the same questionable ideals.

The Plan

I think I just had an out of body experience.
I woke up, and I was paralyzed, and it was like I was whispering in my ear. It was so weird...and scary!
What I was saying to me, "Get another job...some crappy job at the mall...save up...study for the GRE...get your licence...really, really save and stop buying crap...you can be in Chicago and at Northwestern by the summer!"
I woke up with Northwestern on the brain. I love my job. I love Atlanta. But living on the floor of my friend's house is not my life's goal. At. All.
Summertime Chi. Ahh...

Last night I went on my monthly hygene product run to the world's most unorganizaed Wal-Mart. I left in a bad mood. Can you believe that the only Always they had were those weird shaped overnights? Eye roll. Now I have to go to the over priced Rite Aid in my Black community. Not looking forward to paying $10 for pads!

Party Pooper

Connie and I had decided two months ago that we wanted to have a New Years Eve shindig. I shouldn't have committed to it then, I know, but I did. It sounded like a good idea and a lot of fun and I thought that it wouldn't be that huge of a financial stress.
Fast forward to today.
There is NO WAY THAT I CAN FINANCIALLY CONTRIBUTE TO THIS AFFAIR AT ALL!
I had to get a new phone and AT&T charged me some random $60 fee that they can not justify that they claim will go away. I get the feeling it won't, and if it doesn't, I don't know what I am going to do about food for the rest of the month, forget feeding 20 people I don't know or like that much.
And yes, I told Connie this, but she is not hearing me. She is like, "OK, just put in $100 or $50."
Assuming that AT&T doesn't screw me, I have less than that to feed myself for the month.
Sigh. I smell a disaster a'brewin'.

Prince - The Beautiful Ones.

This song makes me smile.

Pity Party

I am throwing myself a pity party tonight and you are all invited!
If you come by my house, bring alcohol and your index of sob stories about how some dude did you wrong.
Hurry up and get here before I choke on my tears and pass out from an emotional overdose. I give myself 20 minutes.

Emotional Owie

It's cold and I'm lonely and my phone is broken (when I call people or when they call me they can't hear me on the other end) so I texted Faux Mega just to have something to do. The text read, "Yo."
He texts back. "What up! Who is this?"
Ouch! He erased my number? Yikes!
So I text. "Did you get a new phone?"
His response, "No..."
I then ask, "What are you doing?"
He says, "Watching the game. U?" He has no idea who is texting.
I put my phone down. There is nothing left to say I guess. I am quite ashamed in myself for soliciting the company of a man that so blatantly disrespected me and ignited something in myself that made me feel cool with disrespecting myself because he was cute. But hey, I take full responsibility. Such is the reality of a lonely, desperate girl. Peace on that.

Day Out

Today I went out to eat with boy I went on date with. We went to the Golden Corral for lunch and stayed there and stuffed our faces until dinner time. We talked and we laughed. Then we went to Borders and read bits and pieces of the new Jay-Z book. He gave me a copy of the new Kanye CD. It was fun.
Unfortunately, we had the nail in the coffin talk. He told me that he and his ex are talking about getting back together, which is fine. Whatever. I feel kind of sad though because I like him and because today will probably be the last time that we hang out. If I were his ex, I would not dig him having lunch with some chick he met online.
Yeah, definitely feeling a little sad.

Holly and the HIV Test

So today I went to the HIV clinic to partake in free testing for World AIDS Day. This guy doctor calls me back to his office that is literally wall to wall condoms and fake wieners. So he asks me all these questions, and, being a good patient, I answered them all honestly. He then tells me that he can not test me because I am not at risk of infection!
Double blink. I go, "Wait, are you refusing to test me?"
He tells me to wait there while he goes to talk to his boss. He then comes back and asks me if I shoot up. I tell him no and he tells me, again, that he can not test me.
Guys, it was COLD in the A today. With a skirt on and a thin sweater, I walked against ARCTIC WINDS and amid TERRIBLE downtown traffic and begging junkies to do my part as a responsible young citizen, timidly entering the dating world, to be told by a health care professional, specializing in HIV/AIDS, that I could not be tested.
Why? Well, the CDC has some type of guideline that says that they will only flip the bill for free testing for people that are at risk. If he tested me, he put himself at risk of losing his job and the nonprofit at risk of losing its funding.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT?!
So we sat there in silence for a second before I said, "No seriously, test me." And he was like, "No."
As he escorted me to the door, I have to say, I was pissed! Who has ever heard of someone being denied an HIV test?
One, women lie all the time. They go to the doctor and say that they are angels just because they have been sluts and don't want to be judged. What if I was that woman and got turned away like I did today? Think of all the folks I could have infected!
On top of that, I am a young Black woman. They say that we are getting infected at alarming numbers. You would think they would want to test me no matter what I said!
What a draining day! Let's get three snaps for being responsible.

Holly and the Clinic Lady

I am sitting today at home and I can not focus to do my work because I keep thinking about a lady that I met today at the HIV clinic.
As you know, today is World Aids Day, so I went down to the clinic to get tested, and I was directed to a waiting room to fill out paper work. What a nightmare! There were only two women in there and they were crying! One left to get her results so I sat next to the other crying lady and she made me start tearing up.
She said she was scared. I asked her if her boyfriend had HIV and she said no, but that she didn't know for sure. So I rubbed her shoulders until they called her to get her results. About five minutes later I hear her from outside rejoicing. She goes, "Yes, I promise God, Imma get my shit together!"
I am assuming from that that she was negative, but I just keep seeing her crying. I say that to say, sex is not worth your life, which I have known forever, but I guess I just needed a refresher, which is why I am guessing I came across her today. So I have come to a conclusion: being alone is also better than being on the verge of death. So today, on World Aids Day 2010, I officially swear off men. They are all liars and dirty and promiscuous and I don't want any of them to make me sick. I am quitting the game before I even start because I never, ever want to be the clinic lady. Ever.