7 Up Strikes Again

So this morning I get a phone call at the crack of dawn form a withheld number from a man claiming to want to know if I will allow him to, "Beat that *&%ssy up?"
I hang up, and he calls back again. I don't answer.
I am about 95% sure that this is 7 Up, the loser soda truck driver that sent me a wiener pic.
The other day, a guy calls me and tells me he wants to take me out, but I didn't know who he is. I asked if he was 7 Up, but he said no. I doubt it, because I don't give my number out like that.
I don't want to change my 504 number, because it is my last little connection to New Orleans, but I may have to think about it if he keeps calling me early in the morning. This is like the 4th time this has happened. I will keep you posted.

Tyler the Creator & Lykke Li -- "I Follow You" (Tyler, The Creator Remix)

Again, I love Tyler.

Be Happy With A Frown

So, I am talking to a friend of mine who wants me to feel better. So she is pretty much telling me how she is making herself better to prepare herself for the man God has for her.
I am just listening silently.
I don't have the heart to tell her that God has no one for me because I am officially an adulterer because I didn't respect someone's union.
I know that she loves me and wants me to be well, but at this moment in time, I want to scream in her ear.
Her answer to my mood is to pray. I have this thing where I don't pray when I know I was in the wrong because that is just whack and I don't feel that God appreciates that. It's shifty.
She is telling me to cheer up and honestly, today was a good day, but for the most part, I just want to inhale junk food and watch SVU on Netflix. I think that that is going to be the key to my healing, not getting my eyebrows plucked so I feel better about me.

New Roomie

So, the other day Connie announces that she has found another roommate. It's a girl she works with. I forgot her name just that quick, but she seems like she is going to be nice.
However, just now, she goes on a baby rant about how she wanted a male roommate, which is funny, because she admitted herself that the last dude she tried to get in here didn't want to pay rent.
I politely explained that I have no desire to live with a man before I am hitched, and that she can just let me know when she wants to move a dude in here, at any time, and I can bounce. It is something that I have no desire to even want to try.
Of course, Connie, being the understanding person she is, said that my desire not to live with a man is a personal issue that I "need to get over." This made me smile. Her over desire to want to live with a man sounds like a problem to me. Why are you eager to have a man share your space? That makes my eyebrow raise, but then again, I have "personal issues."
Funny how you can be so different from a person. I am just happy that the newby has a vagina. I didn't like picking up after my brothers when I was a kid, and I wouldn't like cleaning up after a grown man now.

Phone Call Number 2

So yesterday guess who gave me a ring-ding: Mrs. Dreads!
Just as I have made my healing list and feel like I can breath, she decided to hit me up. Sigh.
She called me because I called Dreads. I mean, this lady is on it. Readers, my convo with Mrs. Dreads.
Me: Hello?
MD: Hello, may I speak with Holly please?
Me: This is she. Who's speaking?
MD: Hi, this is MD, Dread's wife.
Me: Oh...hi.
MD: Yes, I'm calling you because Dreads said you keep calling him, so I wanted to call you and see what's up. What, do you need closure or something?
Me: Yeah, that's what I thought I needed. But I'm good now. I erased his number, you don't have to worry about me.
MD: You're good now? Sure? Because I have known this man since he was 16. He does this every now and again. He finds these women. He tells them things. But he never leaves me.
Me: I didn't want him to leave you.
MD: Yeah? Well-
Me: Are you going to come beat me up?
MD: No. I'm a mother. Just because he wants to be a big dummy sometimes doesn't mean I have to be.
Me: Oh. OK.
MD: Well...have a good life! (Dial Tone)
Well, that was that. Dreads snitched on me so she called me. I was respectful, but something about her cool tone made me want to hella start talking shit on a Maury Povich level. This whole thing has made me the type of woman I DON'T want to be. On another note, I kind of like this lady. She's classy. I kind of want to be her friend; although, I doubt that that will happen because of the circumstances. She was in and out of my nightmares last night. I saved the number she called me from. Don't ask me why. I have problems and detachment issues. Don't judge me. Other than that, as far as this situation goes, I guess this is the official end.

Healing

This morning I woke up annoyed and ready to sneeze dreads out of my life. So, I made a playlist to start healing.

Feeling sorry for myself. Eating candy. Sighing. Hmmmmm...sigh....

Death To Dreads

The only reason I had been able to not call Dreads is because my friends have been serial calling me to make sure that I didn't. I had also been trying hard to keep myself busy.
Well, today I had like five minutes of idol time and wanted to talk to him.
Knowing that this was a bad idea I called two of my friends, neither one of them answering.
So, after staring at my phone blankly, I called him. Ladies and gentlemen, my 20 second conversation with Dreads:
Dreads: Hello?
Me: Hello?
Dreads: Oh no no no no no no no no no no no. Be cool...and have a nice day.
Me: OK...bye.
OUCH, right? Well, at least one of us has a moral compass.
However, I got off the phone feeling oddly relieved. My desire to hear his voice was satisfied, and for a split second, I was happy. Then I was sad. Then I erased his number.
I shall wash his stage name off of my mirror. Not sure I am ready to part with the texts though.
It's official again readers. I am announcing for the uptenth time that I am done with men. I think I will go home tonight, maybe I will cry, catch some Law and Order SVU on Netflix, and take Dreads' advice and be cool.

Sorta Beau...Oh Brother

So right after the devastation of Dreads, here comes Sorta.
Sigh.
It isn't that I don't want to talk to him, I just don't have the energy.
In the mental state I am in, I wouldn't be hurt if I never had to talk to a man romantically again.
But here comes Sorta, out of nowhere, just now, talking about how he misses me and wanted to start talking again.
Fantasia did an interview where she said she tried to hack herself because she was tired of men's bullshit. I hear that.
There was a time that I thought that Sorta was gonna be my man. I was really into him and really open and honest with him and he repaid me by having a baby with some club girl while talking to me! And even then, a stupid Holly was still willing to talk to him. And he repaid me by cutting me off and, within the past two years, dropping in and out of my life when he felt like it.
His side of the story: he had stuff to work out, didn't want to hurt me, blah, blah, blah.
I kind of believe him. I want to believe him. He said he wasn't asking anything of me. I wouldn't mind being his friend again and I did miss him. But right now, I am so frazzled from Dreads and work and life that I just want to crawl into a man-free whole at the end of the planet.
I told him I had to clear my head and I would call him back. I don't know. Wish I did.

Hell Week

I have wanted to reach out to Dreads so bad that I want to scream!

I'm not even sure what I would say if I called him and he answered, but I would really like to hear his voice. I would really like to hang out with him.

So basically, I feel stupid because I practically fell for a man that I only knew for three days. I feel dumb because I was so taken by kind words, irregardless of the fact that he was hitched.

A few days ago was the worst day of all. I Googled his wife and saw that she is like this adorable amazing lady. I had never felt so sorry for myself like ever in life, and I have done some dumb shit in 26 years.

I think that I am getting better though. I can listen to my Youtube playlists again. But at night especially, I feel really, really lonely and pathetic. I would sleep all day if I didn't have so much work to do.

P says that it gets better after a month or so. I hope he is right.

The Season for Love

The seasons are changing and everyone is on the love tip.
Typically, I like this time of year, but this time of around, I just want to hide under a rock.
Friends are planning for weddings. Friends are becoming couples. And everyone else is making that mad dash to find someone before the holidays.
Sigh.
I am not in the mood to hear about it or see it or smell it or care or whatever. I don't feel like working or having fun or anything. I just want to stay in my room and watch Roseanne on Netfix and overeat.
Double Sigh.

TLC - Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg

No Cookouts

So I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself, but there was a small light at the end of the tunnel: tomorrow. I'm not sure what holiday it is, but it is one where the Post Office is closed and people cook out.
Well, apparently it is supposed to rain tomorrow, so NO ONE is cooking out. They all cooked out today. Tomorrow was going to be my big escape from my self-inflicted confinement! I was going to wear a summer dress and everything! My friend's mom feels sorry for me and may bring me a plate. Let's hope that goes through. Otherwise, it will just be another Netflix day.

How To Unsuccessfully Get Over A Dude You Knew For Three Days In Three Days

A week ago today I was rocking to The Pharcyde with Dreads the Man, so excited that I had met such a hottie, and three days later, his wife called me to call my little romance quits. Below are just a few pointers on how to unsuccessfully get over a dude, Holly style.

• Dwell on anything that gives you a memory of him, (i.e. music, conversations)


• Don't wash anything with his scent on it, even if what you are not washing is starting to make you itch (blankets, sheets, etc.)


• Sleep with your phone on your face to make sure that you feel the vibration in the event that he calls and/or texts late at night.


• Pray that he just drops by, even though that is HIGHLY unlikely


• Cry


• Feel stupid


• Resort to some type of cyber stalking (monitoring Twitter updates)


• Think of ways to reach out to him that will clearly reverse your healing when he doesn't reply (Facebook messages, Twitter direct messages, clapping pigeons to deliver messages)

These are just pointers mind you. They many not be as counterproductive for you as they are for me.

Jaco Pastorius "Portrait Of Tracy"

I can not listen to this song without crying. Sigh.

Dreads-The Aftermath

So, I am not at liberty to tell you the whole Dreads story because, as with every story I have concerning me and a man, it ended in heartbreak and humiliation. And you may be thinking, "How much heartbreak and humiliation can accumulate in less than a week?!" And to that fair question I would say, "You would be surprised."
On Sunday at a concert, I met the most amazing man with dreads. And it turns out, he was even more amazing than I thought originally. He liked Quentin Tarantino movies. He played every instrument in the band. He was 34 but felt like he was 17- his energy was that fresh. He got kicked out of the FamU band for hazing. His locks smelled really good. He was hella cute. Sigh. I could go on and on.
I guess all any of us need to know is that we are no longer talking. This guy was in and out of my life so fast ya'll I thought I dreamed him! If he hadn't written his name in the dust on my mirror, I would have really thought he was a fantasy. Three days we are taking here. That is a short period, even for me. However, I felt like I knew this dude for like three years, that is how kinetic our energy was.
I keep replaying the last time we hung out together in my mind like over and over and over again to the point where I dream about it. We goofed around and slow danced to Rain by SWV. He taught me that that beat was sampled Jac Pastorius's "Portrait of Tracy". It was a dream night for me, which officially ended with a phone call from his wife.
Siiiiiigggggghhhhhh!
I don't know if it is possible for me to be any more unlucky in love. All I know is that I miss him like CRAZY! I want to see him and talk to him, but that would be disrespectful and isn't going to happen. I can't even listen to my playlists on Youtube because I share them with him and now they remind me of him! I want to be like, "On to the next!" But I think I will be on this one for a minute.