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Friday, August 22, 2014

The Terrible 29s 4: Age Realization

Question: Why am I 29 wishing I was young again? I mean, I am still young right, technically? True, a female 29 is a male 66, I get it. But my God! My back cracks when I inhale! I get winded getting up in the middle of the night to pee!

I have a friend that teaches middle school full-time then is a part-time fitness instructor at a gym. On Instagram, you can find pictures of her instructing a class on how to run in place and do back bends. She is only two years younger than me. Where is she getting this energy from?! Running in place? Would you think less of me if I told you that I get from point A to point B in my apartment by rolling on my stomach?

Don’t even say it. I can hear you thinking that I should improve my diet and exercise. And I see all of you on social networking with your firm buns and tight Yoga pants, blending smoothies and using words like “glutes” and “’toids.” I work from home and don’t have time for this! Pardon me if I am 29 with little to no energy, but crying over your check book and dodging calls from creditors takes a lot out of you. How many calories do your burn running from Sally Mae?

I haven’t been the healthiest person up until now, I will admit it. But I worry because they say you are as old as you feel and I feel like Cicely Tyson looks. I used to be so fun! Okay, I have always been a little square, but I used to dance and laugh, what happened? More dues I had to pay the age police I guess. Sigh.

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