Your Summer Skin Fix: Sand & Sky Brilliant Skin

You may recognize Sand & Sky's Brilliant Skin from social media. All the influencers are in LOVE with this new Australian product that includes Australian Pink Clay. This formula is non-drying, and helps to shrink pores. A deep cleanser, Brilliant Skin also helps to brighten your complexion. It also serves as a skin detox. 

Need more info? Visit the Sand & Sky site here.

The Bible Theory

In the Sex In The City movie, Sarah Jessica Parker told Jennifer Hudson's character that your 30s are for the hard lessons. Carrie girl, you ain't never lied! Through talking to my friends, there are some lessons being learned out here in these streets that are outright BRUTAL. In my life, the lessons over the past years have been downright DEVASTATING. But every now and then, you like to hear about someone else's screw ups to make you feel a little better about your own.

I talked to my friend Amelia who informed me that her college ex recently got divorced 😞 It seems that he cheated on his wife, who now gets Juanita Jordan level alimony from him😍 I was never the biggest fan of this guy. He has always been mildly douchey. But I was happy to hear that he was learning one of those killer 30s lessons: it's cheaper to keep her. However, what was even more interesting about this story was Amelia's take on it all.  

"His ex-wife is Christian, and I know that it is wrong that he cheated on her, but in The Bible, men had like ten wives at a time. Men fell in love many times and had many women and everything was all good. I'm just saying."

Oh no. My friend has become one of those girls. 

I don't know where I fall on the Christianity scale. I believe that there is a God, but I hate waking up early on Sundays. Yet it never ceases to amaze me how people will use The Bible to justify any and everything. First, it was slavery, not it's group relationships! 

I do not believe that God would want you to allow yourself to be disrespected to fulfill some dude's misogynistic fantasy of having a whole bunch of women at his beck and call. Furthermore, we as women can not drink this Kook-Aid that He would. We all have to be in one accord on this before we all wake up one day as sisterwives, wondering how we go to this place. I believe that there is one person for everybody, and when you find them, appreciate it, and demonstrate a little friggin' self-control and try to be committed! Because a lesson that I have learned in my 30s with men is this: you better stand firm on your morals with them. Letting silly stuff slide like cheating makes it hard for the next woman to have a committed relationship. We can not settle for less, for ourselves, and for the next sister's sake. 

I explained this to Amelia and she said that she agrees, although I don't see how you can fall on both sides of the fence with this. One of those lessons that you probably learned in middle school applies: stand for something or fall for anything. A least stand for respecting yourself and knowing your worth. I know, easier said than done. Let's work on it together. 

Sickles Goes Farming

I don't know if any of you remember Sickles. He was a guy I met a little over four years ago and, since then, we have been in a non-serious renothingship. Once upon a time, I thought that we could potentially be going somewhere. Then he stopped talking to me for a year and popped up randomly to let me know that a woman he was seeing had just given birth to his son. Again, I had imagined that I was on my way somewhere special with a man while he, apparently, was on his way to the maternity ward.
Since then, he texts me quarterly just to make sure that I am still single so he can keep me on his list of backup girls. Like a fool, I always respond to his romantic texts, which usually say something like, "Hey, you don't have kids now do you?" I know, I should let this guy go, but I like the twinkle of attention that I get from him, seeing that my platonic male friends have friend dumped me because of how needy I am. That's another post.
Anywho, he texted me this quarter to let me know that he is going to be living on a farm in California for a month. I was sad, thinking that "farm" was some euphemism for jail. But it really is a farm where he will be learning new and innovative farming technology.
My excitement for his news was very quickly followed by my hater voice. How was Sickles making more career moves than me? Not that I want to live on a farm, but this is a guy that has beat more possession charges than Gucci Mane!
He said that he fully expects his time on the farm to be a life-changing experience; an adventure. Now I am really jealous. Am I the only one out there that wants an adventure? I see all of you on Instagram, taking pictures of your feet on the beach, and that seems cool, but I mean a real adventure; something that changes your life for the better. Something that gives you new, fresh perspective. At the risk of sounding optimistic, I think that something like that could totally change my trajectory.
Sickles leaves in September. I told him to bring me something that he grew. He won't. Hopefully, when he checks in around Thanksgiving, I will have something exciting to share with him.

Level 0

My girl Roma was updating me about her life, and she said that she talks to our mutual friend, Jamaica, on a regular basis. This made my eyebrow raise, seeing that I am hard pressed to get Jamaica on the phone, and further satisfied a suspicion that I had that she has been avoiding me.
I think it best that I remind you all, before I go on, that I have a habit of taking clues that may not exist to solve issues that aren't real. I make things up in my head and run with them, especially in regards to my friends, because I am insecure, especially when it comes to my friendships. I know, I know, it's not an attractive quality.
One of my insecurities stems from not being where I want to be financially in life. Friends like Roma and Jamaica are stacking paper over my head by leaps and bounds. When I heard that Roma and Jamaica were in touch, I assumed that this is why. As silly as it may sound, you get hip to the way that people view you, for real, when you are broke, especially as broke as me.
People do not take brokeness well. They treat it sort of like a deadly flu they can catch from something as small as just hearing about your financial issues. There are also sub-issues that travel with brokeness, such as sadness, depression, anger, and self-pity. Low and behold, I suffer from ALL of these illnesses! Understandably, this makes me self-conscious, especially when interacting with my richy rich friends.
If you have lived a somewhat full life with females as friends, you should know by now that there are levels to friendships. I fear that for some, including Jamaica, that know what I have been through, I have plummeted to level 0. And I get it, like attracts like. I have always said that if I ever lose weight that I will dump my old, supportive friends that love me for superficial ones.
I digress.
As my friend talked, I used my Ghost Writer skills to put together a quick case. There could be a number of reasons that I have not heard from Jamaica. She has a high-pressure job; she could be busy. She has just moved; she may be tired. This made me feel better until I remembered that Roma had just told me that she and Jamaica talk all the time.
Before you ask yes, I am aware of how childish this is. There is no real proof, other than my emotions, that any of this is real. But to be honest, I have been waiting on Jamaica to friend dump me for some time. Brokeness is also the trigger for strife and negativeness. These are things that I suffer from that we ALL know are contagious.
As Roma spoke, I kicked myself for being so needy and emo. But, as needy and as emo as I often am, I am also often right. Call me psychic.

IT is coming!

When I heard that there was going to be a remake of the movie IT, I have to tell you, I was STOKED! This would be funny to my childhood friends, who can tell you that this movie scared the pants off of me when I was younger. It also is the reason behind my fear of clowns.
 I am eager to see how much scarier this movie is going to be with all of the up-to-date special effects. I can't wait until Sept. 1! 

For more info on IT, click here.  

The Backup Plan

I had dinner with a girlfriend last week that I have not seen since high school. It always causes me anxiety to meet up with someone that I haven't seen in a while, but just as I'd hoped, she was just as sweet and as nice as I remember her being. Over appetizers, she updated me on her relationship and told me about she and her man's life plan. It was really impressive. It was practical, but involved room for moving and going back to school. I mean, it was really grown-up.
"Yeah, but if it doesn't work out the way I want it to, I have a backup plan." Spoiler alert: the backup plan doesn't involve him.
Upon hearing this, I have to admit, I thought that this was cold-blooded. I mean, this guy is walking a path, thinking you are fully walking it with him, yet all the while, you have a plan B that you are ready to activate at any moment.
But, upon further thought, I realized that having a backup plan, especially as a woman in the world, is smart! Being ready for the worst or for a turn of events has been a secret in the Woman Survival Kit since the beginning of time. It is only these new-age "ride or die chicks" that have made it fashionable to want to go down in flames with a man.
For example, you probably walked in on your granny back in the day putting money under the mattress or in a cookie jar when you knew for sure that she and your grandpa had a checking account.
"Every little bit counts," she would say. Only, you were too young to understand what that money counted towards. More than likely, it was just-in-case change in the event that granddaddy got laid off or ran off with a hoochie.
A more current phenom is women keeping their apartments after they move in with their partner. They keep up with the rent, even if they can't afford the utilities, just in case they have to bounce.
Even though the female backup plan is not new, we don't openly discuss it with our daughters and the young women in our lives. Unfortunately, creating a backup plan comes from learning from experience or going with a gut feeling to do so. I am seeing now that it is a good idea, not just in relationships, but in everyday life.
I wish I would have had the sense to have backup plans in my personal life. Every job I have had, I have been hopelessly devoted to. Little did I know, my employers had a backup plan for me, and many a time I have found myself out on my tush, which is not a warm, safe, or comforting place to be. If only I'd had some spare rent in my cookie jar or some ideas on where to go from the bottom, not every disaster in my life would have had to cause me to start completely over.
Lesson learned.
Here's to the three dollars I am putting aside in a Pringle's can. Today it is change, but tomorrow, it could be my livelihood.

The Friendtervention: How To Get A Man

At times I do get lonely and wish that I had a boyfriend. There, I said it. But I am 32-years-old and I refuse to go on any dating apps or put on a mini dress and hang out outside of the men's room, so the chips are going to have to fall where they may. Over the years, I have become extremely relaxed when it comes to "finding" a man. Call me a product of the Disney generation, but I just figure that one will pop up when he is supposed to. My old roommate from college had no problem with telling me that this is a joke and, over the phone, performed a mild friendtervention.

"Holly, you are in Atlanta, the Mecca. There is no reason why you should not have a man!" she said. This made me laugh. Women who are not from Atlanta always say crazy stuff like this.
"So what do you suggest I do?" I asked sarcastically. Little did I know, she actually had some ideas.
"The first thing that you need to do is get your hair flat ironed. Men like long hair." I shook my head no silently as she spoke. She went on to say that my afro was big, so my hair would probably be really long. She also said that straightening my hair would show men that I "take myself seriously."
The next thing that she suggested that I do was start wearing false lashes. Sigh. I have no desire to put anything false near my eyeballs. I know that false lashes are popular. I mean, come on, I live in
Atlanta, which I bet you dollars to donuts is the fake lashes capital. Some look nice, but I have also known lash victims personally who are currently living devoid of their natural lashes with scarred eyelids damaged by cheap lash glue. But, according to my friend, men don't want a woman who doesn't have falsies.
Now, the last thing that she suggested made me laugh. She said that I should get a microdermabrasion. "Are you telling me that there are men out there that are refusing to date women because they don't get microdermabrasions?" I demanded.
She said no. But that I needed to get my face peeled off because the procedure would make my complexion brighter.
I could tell that she really believed in these steps, so I decided not to make any smart remarks. However, I did talk to a colleague the next day and, to my surprise, she was in agreement with these "steps".
"Are you serious?!" I exclaimed.
"Listen, men are visual creatures!" she defended.
Dear friends, I may be too far gone, because I have to be perfectly honest: I don't care what type of creatures men are. I asked both friends if they believed that the love of your life will find you, regardless of what you look like because you are meant to be. They both said no. Apparently, it all boils down to how you look. I hope that isn't the case, but if it is, I'm up shit's creek without a paddle. I don't put heat on my hair and my God-given itty bitty lashes will have to do. If that means I will have to single, oh well.
#2old2care

Sabotage

Recently, a friend of mine told me casually during conversation that she had some long standing grievances with me, going all the way back to college. Yikes. My stomach tightened when she said this because, I have to say, I was a totally different animal in college. Insane things flew out of my mouth at the speed of light, so I was expecting her to tell me something nutty and out of line that I'd said to her that had been bothering her all this time. Instead, she told me that she feels that I actively sabotaged all of her romantic relationships.
"What? Why are you just telling me this now?" I demanded. I mean really, I was clutching my pearls!
"I don't know, I just never felt like bringing it up." Sigh. Passive people.
"So what was going to happen if you hadn't brought this up today? You would have just continued to stay mad at me for thirteen more years?"
"No," she said. "I just would have stopped being your friend eventually."
Huh?
This was amazing for me seeing that, with the exception of one guy, I liked all of her boyfriends and wanted her relationships with them to work out. I couldn't believe that she felt this way.
What was even scarier was that she could be pissed at me for so long and not say anything. It made me wonder if other close friends of mine were mad at me and just not saying anything.
Listening to her discuss all the reasons why she felt the way she does was emotional, heavy, and exhausting. So, even if there are other friends out there that feel as she does I'm sorry, I won't be asking you about it any time soon. I need to recover from this first.
This whole situation caused me to ask myself another question: at what point is someone's issue with you solely their issue with you? If a friend brings up something that you have done that upset them years after it happened, are you still responsible? Should you still apologize? Do you apologize when you suspect that a friend may be projecting personal issues on to you? How much of the bag do they have to hold for not bringing the issue up sooner?
At the end of the day, their is no expiration date on hurt, so I apologized. I also think of our friendship as more than the issues that she brought up, and I don't want us to move forward with animosity towards me.
"You should have told her to get out of her feelings," a 13-year-old I mentor told me after I shared this story with her.
Maybe. Perhaps that will be my approach in ten more years when she accuses me of something similar.

Barry and Wayne: Cyber Lovers

My friend Cassandra thinks that I should try to get out and date. Can you believe it? With all my issues and with all the things I need to accomplish IMMEDIATELY in my life, she wants me to go out on a date. That, my friends, would be a distraction. She doesn't get that though. What she also doesn't get (because I haven't told her) is that I don't need a date because I have crushes and imaginary relationships with men on Instagram.

I met a girl recently who told me that women change every five years. Their minds, their body chemistry, their career positions- all of it. They change every five years. I found this to be interesting since I have had the same boy crushes for about ten years. Sadly, I guess this shows that I am not progressing in life. I am prepared to accept that. You can't have it all. 

One guy, we will call him Barry, is tall, dark, and clean cut. He is my Obama. I like stalking his Instagram to see pics of him going to church and working on his abs in the gym. The other one, we will call Wayne, looks like he should be living out of a V Wagon on the beach someplace. His hair is wild, and his only vice is taking expensive trips around the world, cocktail in hand. 

I often imagine what life would be like with these two. Barry would buy me a dream house with a huge kitchen where I would bake cookies and prepare us smoked salmon. We would slow jam in this same kitchen to Earth, Wind, and Fire. I would be wearing the same black and white dress that Grace Kelly wore in Rear Widow. He'd be looking presidential in an all-black suit. Wayne and I would sit side by side in his unfurnished loft, eating Chinese food with our hands and watching random reruns. 

This whole thing is funny (or scary) because I know both of these guys. I went to college with them. And if either of them knew I had a play-play romance with them, I assure you that they would block me on all types of social media. 

Cassandra is married and she has kids. She is absolutely cradled in love. I have dipped my toe into the septic pool that is Atlanta dating, and have retreated comfortably into my mind and phone to partake in fake love. I have watched enough Iyanla Fix My Life to understand that this may be a symptom of a deeper problem. Until I am ready to address it, I will just continue having fun with my two boyfriends...in my head. 

Your New Favorite Snack: Crunchies

Crunchies in Strawberry Banana 

I know that I have spoken to you all in the past about the problem that I have with snacking. It is tragic. It is real. And I love all of the greats: chocolate, candy, potato chips. Spoiler alert: none of these things are good for you (even though they are delish!). So this summer, as I was navigating the jungle that is the My Fitness Pal app, and I realized that I was in need of a snack that was tasty and good on calories. A birdie told me about Cruchies and I have been hooked ever since. 

Crunchies in Mango

 They come in a bunch of flavors, like Mango, Strawberry, Strawberry Banana, Blueberry, and Raspberry, just to name a few. They are freeze-dried fruit snacks that are sweet, but not too sweet. They source straight from the farm, which is why the fruit doesn't taste artificial as some fruit snacks do. 

Chruchies in Strawberry

I would compare the taste of Crunchies to that of a banana chip, but lighter. The consistency is airier. I eat them on their own, but I would suggest also trying them on top of your cereal. 

Discover more about Cruchies here.

Based on a T.R.U. Story: My trip to the 2 Chainz Trap House

By now, I am sure that everyone has heard about the 2 Chainz Trap House, the house that he has painted pink here in Atlanta as a promotional tool for his latest album, Pretty Girls Like Trap Music (which is true). Since it has opened, it has been a hot spot for 2 Chainz fans, teen twerkers, Instagram models looking for a place to have photo shoots, and the general curious public. At 32-years-old, I was sure that I was too old to partake in the trap fun. But, after seeing the story that was done on Wendy Williams about it (click here), I got scared that the city was going to close it down. Not one to miss out on history, I recruited friends to go with me. This is my story. 

The front of the Trap House 

"You are going to like it, it's lit!" my LYFT driver assured me as we weaved through the streets of Atlanta beneath a ferocious sky of storm clouds. We somehow avoided the traffic, which was backed up down the street because of people slowing down to take pictures of the house as they passed. The moment I got out of the LYFT, I was greeted by rain...and security cursing out a tall blonde girl. She was walking off the property with her photographer as she flipped them off. 

"You think you a model? You ain't no model! You not pretty enough to be a model!" one of the security guards yelled after the girl. 

"Ooooooh!!" jeered what looked to be a group of pre-teen White boys from the porch.

I obviously wore the wrong pair of shoes to the house as I raced to the steps. My shoes were slipping and sliding and I had to balance on the trap stove (a spray painted pink stove in front of the house) as to not fall. The crowd cleared pretty quickly because of the rain, and after everyone ran for shelter, it was just me, security, a photographer, two girls who were there having a selfie photo shoot, and my GROWN friends. 

My friends and other Trap House visitors on the trap porch, waiting for it to stop raining

 My goal for the visit was to actually go inside of the house. I couldn't, the door was locked. But I did look inside through the bars on the door. And no, there were no bricks of coke and stacks of money. There were paintings. 

"They are going to have a sip and paint event here tonight," said one of the security guards. "They had one yesterday too."

Apparently, even though the trap house is a promotional tool, it is also an event space. 

I also asked security if the house was going to be closed down. 

"This is private property, ain't nothing they can do," he assured me. "The police been here. The word "Trap" was supposed to be gone two days ago and it's still here. If it closes down, it's because they [the leasers] wanted to leave, not because they forced them to."

Sarina and Aria as we waited for it to stop raining

Talking to security as we waited on the rain to let up, they told me that a big part of their job is keeping cars from parking directly in front of the house, which happened a few times while I was there. This is a problem for visitors because there isn't a lot of places to park around the house. Many of the surrounding businesses have put orange cones in front of their parking, letting Trap House visitors know the parking is only for customers. That didn't stop people from parking far away and walking blocks down to the house. 

Me in front of the house with 

Me and the my traptastic friends

Once our friend Tay arrived, we decided to begin taking our selfies, even in the rain. She was disappointed because the pink car that was once parked outside of the house was gone. Apparently, it had been vandalized.  😑 Word to the wise: if you go visit the trap house in the rain, make sure your phone is waterproof. It was a circus trying to get our phones to take a decent pic with us having to wipe the screens a million times. 

As the sun came out, the crowd I had seen on the news had begun to come back. I was surprised at the number of kids that showed up, unaccompanied by adults. My favorite visitors were the drug dealers pretending to make it rain with REAL money for pics. I found $30 bucks😉

Once I got home, I posted my pic on IG. One of my college friends came for me, saying that he was "not here for a trap house, pink, or not." I get it. I'm woke. I understand the irreparable damage and reinforcement of stereotypes this house brings. It really is a disgrace. With that being said, I suggest you go. Just don't go in the rain. 

Enjoy July 4th with a DRY Sparkling Southern Bell

DRY Sparkling is a new line of sparkling drinks in an array of flavors that not only pair well with meals but it also a great twist for your favorite cocktails. The drinks have 45-70 calories and 11-19 grams of sugar per 12 oz., for those of you who are calorie and sugar conscious. I have enjoyed drinking them by themselves, but they also can add a kick to your favorite to alcoholic beverages like the DRY Sparkling signature drink, Southern Bell. 

4 oz. Ginger DRY

1½ oz. bourbon

¾ oz. peach liquor

½ oz. lemon juice

Garnish:

Lemon peel

Instructions:

Add bourbon, peach liquor and lemon juice to an ice filled cocktail shaker.

Shake, shake, shake.

Strain into glass half-filled with ice and add Ginger DRY.

Stir once and garnish with lemon peel.

Beware of neighbors and passers-by who might be interested in all that shaking.

My DRY favorites:

Out of all of the drinks, my favorites have been the fruity flavors. 

Watermelon

Drink with lamb and sparkling wine. See more pairings here.

Fuji Apple

Great with fried chicken and whiskey. See more pairing ideas here.

Blood Orange

Goes well with tacos and tequila. See more pairing ideas here.