I have been in a mood lately where I want to clean things. I think that this is because my life just feels like a complete mess, and the only thing that I can clear up in it at this point is my bathroom and the food containers in my room. I just feel heavy, you know? Weighted down. And last night it crossed my mind that the ultimate clean up high would be my phone.
I have blogged about this before. It is impossible for me to get rid of numbers! I was looking through my phone today and saw names that I don't know anymore- numbers from folks who were in my college study groups. They have to go. But upon sitting here silently and reflecting to a Janelle Monae soundtrack, it dawned on me why I just can't delete: I will have to come to terms with being alone.
If I erase all the nobody numbers in my phone, I will only have like 20 numbers left, as opposed to 250. And yes, that 20 will be the people I love, but still. They are all busy and working and in school and being progressive- I kind of like holding on to my fantasy that 250 people I can't remember give a shit about me.
And yes, I know that this is unhealthy. These imaginary friends have to go. I just don't know if it will help me feel lighter or just more alone. That is left to be seen, but it's gotta be done. I will keep you posted.
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