Angelique

I have no idea what I would do without good friends that have my back. When Angelique heard about my back drama, she came bearing chicken and pain medication. Could a person in pain ask for anything more? She sat with me and watched Netflix and we chatted about what normal homies chat about: Kim and Kanye, nail polish, and the idea of maternal attachment. I can't imagine a better way to spend a cold Saturday.

Review: NEST Candles

Am I the only person that can't sleep without burning a candle? I love them, they help me to relax. I also love room fresheners and infusers. But I have never really been a fan of holiday scents. I don't like my room smelling like cinnamon sticks or candy canes. NEST Fragrances has a great collection of holiday candles and room fresheners. Their holiday room freshener is the best! It's soft, it's sweet, and most importantly for me, it puts me in mind of the holidays without being overwhelming. You als HAVE to try their Birchwood Pine Votive Candle. It's a rich, clean scent, perfect if you, like me, are not into the super sweet holiday scents. It's long-lasting, but it's not thick. Take a gander at all of the NEST collections at http://www.nestfragrances.com/.

Back Talk

Yesterday, I threw my back out while, get this, reaching for a napkin to dry my hands in the bathroom. The best part: I was a guest at a friend's house and in such pain I would have pulled an Olivia Pope's mama and chewed my wrists off.
Instead, I discretely went to my friend's bathroom to lay on the floor and stretch. I say discreetly, but I'm not sure. When a fat girl looks like she is about to start screaming, people notice.
While on the floor in the bathroom, I texted Fran and KT to let them know my current state. I can only imagine I looked like Humpty Dumpty, rolling around on the floor, trying to find a comfortable position to stretch. Two of the guests came in the bathroom and elbowed my back. My friend sat on it.
After about an hour of massage time, I was able to get up and felt better...until 10 minutes later when it went out again.
This time was EXCRUCIATING. I couldn't lift myself off the floor or go home. My friend was kind enough to let me sleep at her house. In the middle of the night, I had to utilize a chair as a walker to make it to the bathroom.
Just when I thought I knew pain, my body showed me up. However, today I do feel better and tomorrow, my friend is bringing me high voltage pain killers. Party time!

Surprise!

The best meaning most horrible thing about being broke is surprise expenses.
Yesterday morning while watching the James Franco parody of that horrible Kanye video, my Internet went out. I thought it was because of the rain, but after the longest call to customer service ever, it was discovered that I need a new modem.
"I've only had this one four years!" I cried.
"Really? They usually only last two," I was informed.
It costs $200 to replace, to be spread across my bill in "ten easy payments."
Easy?
My grocery budget for the month is less than that! If only I could eat my Internet.
Now I have to step into 2013 and do all my business via iPhone, which is a task for a woman who has avoided wearing her glasses for the past 15 years.
Eye roll.

The Delivery Prayer

Disconnect, the dude that didn't call me back, just texted me requesting sexts after being silent for over two weeks. If I rolled my eyes any harder I think my pupils would bleed. I will be 29 in less than a month. I don't really care what is in fashion in the dating world. I am WAY too old for this. God, deliver me from my loneliness in 2014 so that I no longer attract and entertain losers. May my confidence and high self esteem give off a foul odor that repels no-good men for miles. Give me the strength to be able to tolerate solitude if it means being spared foolishness. In your son's name I pray, Amen.

Review: Vaseline Lip Therapy Rosy Lips

I have always been a big fan of Vaseline's body lotions and oils, but I never really used their lip products. For as long as I can remember, I have been a Carmax girl. But I am now in love with their Vaseline Lip Therapy Rosy Lips. It's a little thick, which is good for winter, and gives your lips this light red tint. I plan on coupling it with some of my thinner glosses to make them pop. It also smells really good which is a plus for me, I love smell goods:) You can get Rosy Lips at your nearest drug store for $1.99.

Review: ModCloth Holiday Plus Size Collection

Refined Finalist Dress, $129.99

Well Fancy That Dress, $149.99

When The Night Comes Dress in Nior, $99.99

 

I have been a fan of ModCloth for a LONG time. Modcloth.com is a mecca for all things amazing. There is no way that you can go to their site and not find something that you have to have. Until recently, I had no idea that they had a plus-size collection. Many of their clothes, including their dresses (which they are known for) now go all the way up to a 4X (28/30)! The best thing about this collection is that it did not sacrifice style for size. It has the same elegant, vintage flare as anything else sold on the site. My favorite pieces in their holiday collection are the dresses. Call me a girly-girl, but I just can't get enough of the lace, gold, and belted waists. Above are my three favorites. 

Check out my page on Facebook!

 

How To Orgasm For The First Time

Surfing for weird stuff on Youtube I found this very interesting kind of
funny video about women and the first time they had orgasms. Check out
the Black lady's hairdo!

30 Minutes

At a volunteer session I went to, the guest speaker said that your thinking in the first 30 minutes of your day determines how your day is going to be. This would explain why my days often start off crappy. I wake up moaning, wishing the day would be over. I roll over, resenting what the world is going to throw at me. Positive thinking, that's the name of the game. This week's goals: to not wake up rolling my eyes.

Dream Board

Yesterday when I volunteered with the girls, the speaker for the day had them do dream boards. I have done them before and never really felt like they helped me, but this time I decided to do one focused on eliminating the handicaps that I feel are keeping me from the being the person I could be. Health issues, exercise, junk food, not being able to drive- I coughed it all up and put it on a board. I liked it so much that I actually came home and hung it on my wall. The speaker said it's important to see your dreams, literally. Let's see if this works.

3s

I was informed the other night that my great uncle died. Just a few months ago, another great uncle died. I was not super close to either uncle, but their passing makes me sad and scared. Call me superstitious, but I believe that these things come in 3s. What if something happens to my grandma or my mom or me? I'm going to spend the next forever dodging black cats and spitting on the bottom of brooms. My grandma hated December because she lost her husband and mother in this month. I'm praying while keeping my fingers crossed as we move into the holidays.

Stood Up

I got stood up tonight by a man who promised me via gchat that he would come over and shower me with Ciroc shots and cuddles.
I want to say that I am upset or ever surprised, but I am not. I am taking this time to bake chicken, watch some It's My Raye Raye tutorials, and read my newest Marie Claire. I'm not sure what you think, but I feel like this is a fun alternative to being slobbed down by a liar.
The icing on the cake: I found a black cherry yogurt in the refrigerator when I thought my yogurt was all gone. To have been stood up, I sure am winning!

Review: Zoya Zenith Collection

One of the things I love best about the holidays are gift sets, and one of the sets on my Christmas list is Zoya's Zenith Collection set, $48. I love metalics, I love glitter, so that should pretty much explain why I have to have this collection. I collect nail polish, but Zoya is one of those brands that just slipped under my radar. That was, until, I saw Mosheen, that pretty ice blue on the end. I need this blue in my life! It makes me smile and it literally looks cold! Dream, the blue next to it, comes in as a close second favorite. If you don't want the whole set, you can get them separately at Zoya.com for 8 bucks a piece. 

Polish Hoarder

I have met bloggers with so much makeup that they have to keep it in luggage. No, not really big makeup bags, but luggage. I like makeup too, but I think my obsession lies with polish. I counted them today: 104 bottles. I have seen on some sites where bloggers have 10 times more than this and make color-coordinated bookshelves for them. Maybe that will be my holiday DIY project, even though I am handicapped when it comes to building things.

Secrets

A friend of mine recently came out gay. Well, she didn't really come out. She was forced to acknowledge that she was after someone put the secret together from her Facebook pictures. Slowly, everyone we know is finding out and it's like, "Such and such is gay, shhhh."
I haven't digested this as a juicy secret. It has scared me crapless. I know what it is like to have secrets and I could not imagine what it would be like to have one exposed and people treat it like hot news instead of the beginning of a change in my life or as embarrassing.
We all have secrets, right? I am asking, because over the past year, I have heard a lot of other people's from folks who must not have any. And God knows I have blabbed more than my share before I was mature enough to know how nasty that was.
Sitting here, I'd say that I have about three secrets that, if anyone found out, I would go jump in the lake, because there would be no recovery from their exposure. One of them I am pretty sure could get me some jail time.
Knowing this I want to console my friend. I wanted to text her yesterday, but what do you say? "Sorry you got outed. Ouch." Maybe, "Everyone is gay now, keep your head up."
I don't think I will say anything to her, because there is nothing you can say to make certain levels of shame and embarrassment more tolerable. As bad as I feel for her, I am waking up thankful that, for now, my secrets are safe.

Patsy Cline - Walkin' After Midnight

In my old age I have become obsessed with Patsy Cline. I clicked on her
video because it popped up while I was watching another totally unrelated
video and now I am on a Patsy Cline binge! I wish I new how to mix records.
I would put her songs over some 2 Chainz or some old school Biggy.

Bauble Bar Picks!

So BaubleBar.com has this AMAZING Holiday Gift Guide up right now which is perfect for people like me who could literally spend hours surfing a website looking for the right thing to buy. They are displaying their new Holiday Collection and picks from Stacy London of What Not To Wear. And everything on the site is really trendy and VERY affordable. These are my favs:

1. Ice Lantern Drops, $36, 2. Cushion Cut Bracelet, $34, 3. Onyx Phoenix Necklace, $34.50, 4. Gold Minnie Ice Ring, $24

Up and Out

Yesterday I talked to my mom for about 30 minutes as I do every day after she watches Paternity Court. I told her about how one of my married couple friends is trying to have a baby and she goes, "Wow, all your friends are moving up and out."
"What does that mean?"
"They are getting married and having kids. Don't you want those things?"
Pause. My mom hasn't asked me a personal question since the 7th grade when she asked me if I got my period.
And I told her what I tell myself everyday as we approach the eve of my 29th birthday. I am broke. I don't have a boyfriend. I have a roommate. No savings. No car and at times, no sense of direction. I live in consistent fear that I am going to lose my job or better, lose my mind, and people have the nerve to ask me about babies and husbands?
Let me say that I am girl, so I do fantasize about girl stuff, like what my baby and husband will look like, but that is as far as it goes. I don't want to bring any innocent bystanders into this chaos. I'd gracefully exit if I had those cool contacts that can make you a new identity. I think the first time around I aimed to high. I'd ask to work at a garden or a gas station or something for my second chance.
I digress.
If my mom is asking questions then I really must be behind. I wish life could be like the fifth grade where, if you were behind in math, they gave you something fun to do while the smart kids studied math at their level.

I went to go see The Best Man Holiday with my co-workers. Head's up: Jessica's smile is fake, lol.

(left to right: Jessica, Regina, Denisha)

The Muslim Thing

P wants me to be Muslim.
He tells me things about the Quran and the religion and his life and it sounds appealing at times.
When I was younger, I used to tell my grandma I wanted to be Muslim to annoy her. She was a serious Methodist. And in college, I was ready to become Muslim at the drop of a dime, but that was only because I was in love with P and wanted him to marry me.
But P is married now and I'm not in love with him anymore, so I kind of don't have the passion to revert as he calls it.
Man, am I a bad person or what, chucking Allah the deuces because I can't get the dude I wanted out of it?If I told P this, I already know what he would say: "There is a special place in the hell fire for that kind of thinking." Sadly, this is also what he told me when I wanted to get my eyebrows arched.

THAT GUY | Dance With The Devil | Episode 04 (S2)

If you have not got on to Black and Sexy TV on Youtube, what are you
waiting on? You can catch me there every Sunday night! Last night I
watched That Guy and was not disappointed. Check it out, and give them
some money. They finance everything themselves.

Disconnected

The other night I talked on the phone with this guy that I met on the bus. I have mentioned him before, the man that showed me the inappropriate Instagram posts? Don't ask how he ended up with my phone number when I decided months ago that he was probably a dead end. Chuck it up to my low self-esteem.
We talked for over an hour and it was a near perfect conversation with a lot of laughing. But we got disconnected. I called him back twice, no answer. I forked it up to all the things girls fork things like that up to: bad service, phone death, etc. I mean, our conversation was AWESOME! We covered everything from hobbies to flogging.
So, I called him the other day, just to say hi, and your girl Holls got forwarded to voicemail.
Whomp, whomp.
I could play the what happened game, and I have. Maybe he was at work, on the train, getting attacked by a dog.
Please.
This is your classic case of Hollyism: thinking something could work later that looked like it wouldn't in the beginning.

The other day my dad said that my conversation was all sarcasm and no substance. Yikes.

Brownie Dreamin'

I had a weird dream last night.
Long story short, I dreamed that I had to complete all these mazes and riddles in different rooms, all movie and book themed, to be allowed to enter the "new world." The type of world I got was based on how well I did in the challenges. I am guessing I didn't do that well because, in my world, everything was beautiful but everyone was elderly.
That is actually neither here nor there.
Brownie popped up in my dream. He was supposed to help me with one of the mazes, but all we did was argue. He refused to tell me why he stopped being my friend and left me to figure out the maze myself.
Here is the thing: I was originally hurt about Brownie friend dumping me. Understandably, he was one of my besties. But I don't feel as broken up about it anymore. However, it is not until recently that he has started to pop up in my dreams.
I have always looked forward to having dreams. They let me know what I need to focus on, but the Brownie special appearances are confusing. It's been over a year since we actually spoke to each other. And they are not warning dreams. He's fine. His wife follows me on Instagram and they seem to be living the newlywed life.
Perhaps my brain is telling me that I am more hurt than I think, even though I don't feel it. Or maybe Brownie isn't Brownie but a deeper message of neglect or something. Sigh. The questions you could answer if you could afford a shrink.

The BronzeLens film festival went down last weekend. It was chili, a great time to break out the sweater.

Watch out word! Someone has taught my daddy how to take selfies! I love it!

Good Vibrations

Fran asked me if I have a vibrator. Apparently, she heard Dr. Oz say that women need at least two orgasms a week.
I don't think I am going to get on that bandwagon. The last thing I need is another addiction. Snacking is taking up so much of my time as it is.

The Bounce Back

Trying to rededicate yourself to working out after you have fallen off the wagon and gotten ran over  by it is VERY hard. People always told me it was imperative to stick with it, now I see why. Starting over again sucks.
As you know, my last day at the gym was a COMPLETE nightmare. I will not lie. In typical Holly fashion I was prepared to give up and polish off the rest of my Halloween candy. But I didn't. I went to the gym with my aunt yesterday and took the AquaFit class, which is pretty much water aerobics. And no, you don't burn a lot of calories in the class. But it was more important for me to just be in the gym because if I didn't go again, I knew I wouldn't go again.
It was fun but I have obviously gained weight. My swimsuit cut across my ass like a G-string. I was fully aware of this before my aunt had to announce, "I think you have gained weight. It looked like you were wearing a thong."
But you know your girl Holls. Not even having my ass exposed will keep me out of the water.

Gym Wars

Yesterday I made the decision to go the gym. This decision ended in me waiting on the bus to go home while trying to hide the fact that I was having an anxiety attack. So here we go:
Since Friday, I had been sitting in my room, pigging out on discounted Halloween candy. By the time yesterday rolled around, I just felt icky and gross. I looked up the class schedule for my gym, and decided to go take a Zumba class.
First, let me just say that that move is COMPLETELY out of my character. But everyone said that Zumba was fun, and my aunt lives by it, so with the support of Fran and KT I took the train to the 7 pm class...which does not exist. Apparently, they chucked that time slot and didn't change it online. The 7pm class they were offering yesterday was Kickbox Cardio. Against my better judgment, I decided to take the class. And by take, I mean attempt to keep up for 5 minutes before I ran out of the class screaming.
I think the anxiety attack began when I noticed that the four petite Asian woman in front of me in the class, standing side by side, equaled to the same size as me. Then, during the class, they started jumping. I haven't jumped since grade school!
So I texted Fran for inspiration, and she told me to do 20 minutes on the treadmill. I did, but I felt like a loser next to the woman beside me. To stretch, I kid you not, she hit a split over the treadmill handle bars!
That 20 minutes on the treadmill felt like 2 hours, and I only burned 133 calories. I brought a yogurt as a snack and was so disappointed. The yogurt was 190 calories! I didn't even burn enough to burn off the calories of the yogurt.
By the time I left the locker room, where I'd sat for over an hour watching skinny, beautiful women prance around in thongs, my mind was filled with all types of negative thoughts. And by the time I reached the bus stop, I was crying, trying to control my breathing. Poor Fran. God bless her for trying to keep me level headed via texts all the way from New York.
By the time I got home I was so emotionally and physically toasted that I don't even remember getting into bed. Needless to say, I am on the fence about going back to the gym.

An East Point 'Ween

I was a cat or a mouse, not sure which.

I made sure to get good candy. I hated it when I was little when I only got gum and peppermints.

The first treaters.

Best costume, but only because I couldn't get a pic of the kid that was a flying purple people eater.

 The demanding bunch. They told me what pieces they wanted and dug in my candy bowl!

Cute right?

These girls are cousins, not sisters. Don't get it wrong!

 

Last year no one knocked on my door for Halloween. I was VERY disappointed, because Halloween is one of my fav holidays. But this year, it was almost like they wouldn't stop coming! The treaters wiped me out of candy in less than an hour! Fran alerted me that I gave them too much each, lol. But they were all so adorable...and weirded out when I asked to take their pics after I gave them the candy. There was a lot of rush and fuss on my end for just 45 minutes out of the night, but it was worth it.