Creepin'

Today P called me. We didn't talk long. He just alerted me that he called me over the weekend and my phone was off.
I am a bit confused. Our last convo felt so...final. And it is so weird, because I can feel him smoothly creeping back into my life after his self-inflicted, hurtful hiatus and I am not lifting a finger to stop it. I am so embarrassed that I dare not tell any of my friends about it. All I hear is Dorothy in my ear telling me that he doesn't really want to be my friend, he just wants to keep me around so that he has someone in his corner to readily abuse. She may very well be right.
But what can I say ya'll? I missed him when we didn't talk. I like talking to him. But on the same hand, I know that if I give him full access to my emotions again, he is just going to say something shitty again, hurt me again, take my friendship for granted and disrespect me...again.
And then there is that whole love factor. If I had an ounce of dignity, I would nip this because I am very aware that I love him, and no matter how I try to separate that from our friendship, it doesn't work. And I am very aware that he does not feel the same way and that he now has a girlfriend. So the next time he hurts me (funny, I know this is inevitable), it just won't be a hurt from a buddy, but a hurt from a boy I have such strong feelings for.
Guys, I feel so dumb.